The psalmist

Ouch! That hurts!

2011-12-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

A few months ago I was confronted by a fellow friend on my behavior. So what was addressed? The brash statements I made and announced publicly concerning the person who had confronted me(well, more like among close knit of friends). And how I tend to get defensive when being told of certain feed backs. When the person wanted to talk to me personally, I already knew in my heart, oh no..what have I done? But at the same time, I told myself, now, now. Don't overeact. It may be something that is good for me. & even if its something that is hurtful, perhaps it is for me to change. So ok. Lets do this!

So I braced myself for the news & needless to say, it hurts! God knows how I was controlling my emotions at that time. When I got back home, I repented for what I've done & told God to help me change. The confrontation was such an eye opener. What I've learnt from it is this: Sometimes we get too comfortable with our love ones that we take it for granted that certain remarks made by us may be embarrassing or hurtful or offensive. We think all parties are okay with it by virtue of the close bond but NO...it can and does injure the feelings of others. Note to self then: BE CAREFUL OF WHAT WE SAY OR DO UNTO OUR CLOSE FRIENDS. WE STILL NEED TO BE SENSITIVE TO THEIR FEELINGS. ENOUGH SAID!! Ok. Lesson learnt & I'm continue to learn this.

I also embraced the address on being defensive. This was also an 'ouchy' issue for me. However, its very important for me to get through this. Part and parcel of learning and growing requires us to be corrected. If we can't accept correction, then we'll continue to live in error. We'll continue to be at the same rut, not progressing forward. Why do people live in self-denial? Simply because they are not willing to acknowledge that they have issues & they need help to overcome those issues. Really...there's a lot of self-denial and denial of government of the day as well.

Anyway.....You hurt, you learn, you bleed, you learn, you learn, as Alanis Morrissette sings it out.

Proverbs 15:32
He who ignores discipline despises himself,
but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.

It is possible to forget!

2011-10-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

Towards the end of last year, I made a wrong move that left me emotionally scared. I've been grappling with the 'emos' for months. I've prayed to God for deliverance but months passed by and it didn't come. I was in a state of despair and hopelessness. I told God I want to forget! I'm remorseful over this bad decision and I want to forget. I want to move on. Is it possible to forget? Is it possible to let go of the hurt and not remember the past hurt? For the life of me, I have not heard of testimonies of forgetting the past(not yet, perhaps there are) and feeling no more pain due to the past. I asked God, is it possible?

Praise God! I got my prayer answered. I don't remember the past incident anymore. I don't feel the pain now. I don't feel bitter towards the person involved. Nor do I feel condemned for the foolish act done because when God forgives, He forgives and forgets! He can make us forget. Even when I do recall, it serves as a reminder for me not to repeat the same mistake. So it is possible after all to forget the past mistakes and forget the pain. Especially when we let it go to God! Not only did I forget it all, I've gone through superb things through out this year that surpasses what happened in the past. I guess...the superb events have made up for the loss.

To the awesome God Who has the power to heal & restore, all glory & power belongs to You forever!

The Bashes

2011-10-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

This post is way past due! Somehow or rather, I missed out on blogging about my birthday bash for year 2010 and 2011. Last year, I decided to make a grand celebration. I had it at a restaurant and invited my close circle of friends. I just had the need to do a big bash because I felt that the age, 33, is very significant. You see, Jesus died at the age of 33. For me, the big bash is a symbolic act of celebrating my 'death'. Not physically as in bodily. But more to death to self. It was my prophetic act of dying to self. If we don't die to self, the new cannot arise. No more playing games. Its time to get serious as I desire to see God move in my church & in this nation. If I want to see this come to pass, I gotta die. If I wanna be effective & receive the supernatural strength, I have to die. I remembered blowing the candle and deep in my heart saying "Good riddance old self! Let the new come!" Truly, truly. The new has come. I've gone through much from that day onwards. Some good, some bad. Regardless, looking at the now point of view, I have no regrets of burying myself that day!

As for my 34th birthday, I kept it simple. I told God, a few days before, that I want a specific word from Him. I think I've been blessed with a lot in life. What I needed most of all, is a word from Him & that will make my day, the Day! So when my birthday came, I received Psalm 71:17-18 "Since my youth, O God, You have taught me, & to this day I declare Your marvellous deeds. Even when I am old & gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare Your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come." This is me! This is how God sees me! Such a confirmation. I know that I'm revealing my age for the universe to see. It doesn't matter though because those past 2 years, my birthdays were awesome. Why? Because God was with me on those days. He made me glad. He made me see the bigger picture. He made me see beyond my age!

When You tell me that You love me..

2011-10-22T05:20:00.000-07:00

Most romantic movies/drama have this classic cliche scene. The guy/girl says "I love you." When the other hesitates to reciprocate or doesn't say anything, then the one who poured out his love got hurt. Why? Obviously for the reason that when a person really loves another, and vice-versa, both would not have any problem in saying the very words "I love you."

And its the same with God. He tells us that He loves us. But would we be able to say "I love You, too" back to Him and really, really mean what we say? Beginning September, 2011, I was having this bout of loosing my passion for God. Singing, making music for Him was difficult. Needless to say spending time with God through the reading of His Word & prayer. I was struggling. The fact that I had to worship lead & conduct the CF made it even more worst. How could I do all these without the love for God? What I have felt throughout this period of time is that I'm doing this out of obedience & I know that He is the One True God. I felt uninspired, bored. I lack the drive. I was just going through the motion.

I started to question myself. Why am I able to still lead worship, lead in the CF, still walk cautiously, in the sense of watching what I say or do lest I put shame to His Name. Believe me, I can for the very reason that it is a fact that I am serving the One True God. I cannot turn my back from Him.

Yet I know deep in my heart, this wouldn't cut it. Rev. 2: 2-4 "I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." I may have the deeds, but I have forsaken the first love. The deeds, the works, the sufferings without the first love is useless! Oh no..I definitely do not want this to happen to me. I've got to go back to my First love. I must love God.

Which brings me to the next question which became my treasure quest for the whole month of September. I am reminded of the most important commandment in Mark 12:29-30. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Wowsers! Isn't it enough to phrase it out as "Love the Lord?" Obviously, God has His reason why is it that it is phrased out as "..with all your heart...soul....mind...strength.." Among the 4, heart connotes the emotional part. The emotional love shared between lovers. Therefore, its important for me to have that emotional feeling towards God. I lack! I lack! & I need that emotional love back! I must have it lest all these deeds & works are futile. & if I don't have that feeling back I know that my spiritual walk will take its toll in a matter of time.

How can I have that emotional feeling? I can't just develop it from thin air. I can't say to myself, 'hey, emotional love for God. Rise up now!' I can't cook it up on my own accord. So I told God, "Dear God, I'm being honest with You. I don't have that love for You. That zeal & passion for You. But I know that I must have it. & I want it because I know that that is what makes life more meaningful again. & I do miss that feeling. That walking on air feeling. I'm just going to wait for You to touch me again. This is for You to do, not me." Of course this doesn't mean that I can stop reading the Bible, or pray, or sing worship songs to God and serving Him in the ministry. The waiting is not a passive one. Its an active waiting.

So I waited. & waited. For weeks unending. Thank God, the time for the restoration of my love for God came. It was at a gathering called "The Family Gathering". The speaker of the event shared something which was so spot on concerning my spiritual condition. Yes, its about not having the First Love. The sharing really encouraged me to wait upon God. Just bask in His Presence. Well, the gathering was an event with no special agenda...just to spend time with the Lord. And while doing that, I got the Fire back and I felt whole again. I even have a ring now which reads "I belong to my lover Jesus." To be able to love God back, that shall always be the desire of my heart.

NECF 40 days Prayer & Fast 2011

2011-08-08T23:11:00.000-07:00

Its that season of the year again for Christians to fast & pray. NECF has launched the 40 days pray and fast 2011 beginning from the 7th August, 2011 and ending on the 16th September, 2011. The theme for this year is "Be the Agents of Change". Such a timely theme I shall say!

Who do I think of when it comes to being agents of change? Moses, standing up against Pharaoh comes to my mind. So is Queen Esther who had placed her own life in the line to prevent the total annihilation of her people. If it weren't for their act of bravery, Israel would not be where they are now. Moses & Esther gave their commitment to bring about liberation to their people, their nation. Even commitment to death!

I know fasting is difficult. But I also do know that fasting is necessary to bring about breakthrough, not only in one's personal life but also breakthrough in a nation. I am desperate to see my nation change. For good and not for evil. For true unity among the various race and religion. If Moses and Esther are willing to face whatever hurdles thrown at them for the liberation of their people, it is also time for me to do the same by joining in the fast and prayer for my nation. Dear God, let the prayers of Your saints, be like incense, like pillars at Your throne. Take delight in them & move Your Mighty Hand. Amen.

For more information on NECF 40 days prayer and fast, please click on: http://www.necf.org.my/index.cfm?&menuid=177&parentid=144

9th July 2011- may it be a history & His-story!

2011-07-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

9th July, 2011. Will it set history? Yes, I'm talking about the much talk about Bersih 2.0 rally to be held in Kuala Lumpur. When I heard the news that the rally would be held at the stadium instead of at the streets, I was relieved. Unfortunately, my sense of relief was short lived as today it was announced that the group was denied the use of the stadium on a basis of which, I need not state here in detail, is pretty much absurd.

My only hope & prayer is for God's divine intervention in this. I'm reminded of a friend, Al Tony, who has sang a song "Pharaoh, Pharaoh, let My people go!" in one of my church service. The song talks about the story of Pharaoh refusing to let God's people go. Pharaoh's heart was hardened and because of this, Pharaoh's nation had to go through God's Hand of punishment until he finally gave in.

What are we to do then? Even as we are far away from the appointed place? Well, let us Christians show our support by praying for God's divine intervention. That He would touch the heart of our 'modern day Pharaoh'. Pray that there will be a peaceful demonstration and for the safety of the people from all camps. May God's will be done & may His Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven. Let 9th July, 2011 not only be a significant history in the turning around of this nation, but it shall also be known as His-story! Lets declare that there would be a turning around in this nation daily! & I shall continue to sing "Pharaoh, pharaoh, let my people go!"

Spur of the moment travel

2011-07-04T06:49:00.000-07:00

Me, Carol & Eddie at Universal Studio, Singapore. We had fun! I still can't believe that I went on those rides. I love the Mummy Return ride. Its a roller coaster ride in the darkness. Oh the drop. Never fail to give me the chills. I did chicken out for the Cyclone ride though. That is where I draw the line. Sorry. I don't like upside down stuffs. Scary.

Price for entrance ticket is SGD68 per person. We can go on any rides for as many times as we want. No charges! Just that one off entrance ticket. On line purchase is also available & please do remember to print out your e-tickets. I find this so convenient especially in avoiding the queue for ticket purchase. Wow! I deserve credits from Universal Studio for my recommendations. Ah well! What is a good thing, ought to be shared for free.

The actual reason for my trip to Singapore in April 2011 was for The Script concert. I must watch them live! They're in my 'to do list'! Can't believe I did it...all by myself. I braved through the rain. My shoes got soiled by the mud. I was wet. But thank God, the weather got better when The Script was ready to perform. Danny O' Donoghue is uber cool! He went off stage, came down to the audience in the front to shake their hands. Such a brave act. For me...that's humility! Surprisingly, & deep down inside I'm relieved, that there were no crazy fans who may 'maul' him. Hehehe...When Danny announced that the show has come to an end, the audience were perplexed because they did not sing 'For the First Time'..I mean, come on! Its their first single to be released from their latest album Science & Faith. How can that be? I almost shed a tear. Turned out that it was a suspense from them. Wow! The guys from The Script has pulled a fast one..on the audience, on me.

Anyway, I was a happy girl that day. Though I got mud on my expensive shoes, & I went through the rain, it was worth it! My April trip was really an unplanned moment. Once in awhile, I have to get out of my ordinary momentum.

I praise God because He has made a way for me to go for this trip. I had free accommodation and my host was hospitable. I am also blessed with new friends from Singapore. & how can I forget my traveling buddy, Eddie. Everything was God plan, God sent. This is God giving me the desire of my heart. Thank You God!

Love is?

2011-05-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

When I met you,

I thought you were the best thing ever happened to me,

Well that's the thing, you see,

When one falls into what one may think as 'love,'

When one's 'in love',

Even their smelly armpits is like fragrant,

But would one sense the odour?

Not when in a blind state, one won't!

Pray to God,

That one realize the mess after weeks,

God forbid!

That one snaps out of it after years,

Cause by then times gone a-wastin',

Opportunities of better ones come passin',

The small scratch turned into a deep wound,

Which may turn incurable like cancer.

Be careful with this thing one may call 'love'

Do you know what 'love' is?

Perhaps, perhaps, one should know what it is,

What and where this 'love' would get us into?

Jezzy Dior

22/3/2011

I fight....I loose

2011-05-14T05:32:00.001-07:00

Somethings I would fight for,
My belief, my right, my stand,
I'll send out a shout of war,
Till my enemies could no longer withstand.

But in somethings I'll refrain,
Like as if that I've surrendered,
Like a loser in a competition,
Cause I don't want to be on the hurting end.

For I fight for what is right,
Which I plainly know in my heart,
Is a battle that is an obvious clear cut,
I'd give all just to win that fight.

For the things that I don't quite need,
Which I think I can live without,
Things that may leave me blinded,
Closed my door, get it out of my sight.

So I settled for loneliness,
To avoid me from straying,
Into the unknown pathway,
That may lead me into failing.

Loneliness won't kill,
So the famous song says,
Will I rise & find the will,
To try my hand in this quests?

Would I fight this uncertain battle?
Which I always rendered a loss?
Should I set sail for this unchartered waters?
Would I dare to bear the cost?

I ask myself at times,
Why can't I win this?
Maybe its cause I don't try,
Maybe I just fear that I'll cry.

Its not worth it I say,
I've been through a lot to get this far,
Don't want to go back that way,
& revisit the pain of the deep scar.

So would I go on with this fight?
The one which I see as not a need?
Take up fight or take up flight?
I don't know, I guess I'll have to take heed,
To the sights, signs & sound,
Of the other heartbeat,
Whether it'll beat to the tune & in sync with mine.

Written by: Jezzy Dior
Date: 2nd October 2010

My ex-Yakuza!

2010-11-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

Hi guys! Just to share. When God gave TCC the opening to lead the youths from Sentral College, I had this crazy idea or wish that if only we could have the ex-Yakuza come to the college & inspire them to live for Christ & that lifestyle change is possible through the power of Jesus. & lo & behold! God answered my desire & I believe that the idea was not my own, but it was God led.

So how did I manage to get P. Inoue, this ex-Yakuza turned Christian to come to Kuching? Well, I thank God for divine connections! I have Khoo Kar Leong to thank for because he is the man who made this happen. I got the idea in March 2010. When Kar Leong came from Singapore to Kuching, sometime in June/July this year, I conveyed him the idea & he is the one who made the connection with P. Inoue. I love this family of God. Its amazing that when we get deeply rooted into the Family of God, things can happen. Halleluyah!

Although P. Inoue's message is about his testimony & on salvation, which may not be new to me, nevertheless, I was blessed. I am touched by his passion for Christ & his love for young people. Especially young men & those men who has hard hearts (the addicts, the prisoners). This man hugs the guys from the college & also they guys who came to last night's event. Everytime when he does that, I sense God's Presence. Its like God hugging these guys. As I write this, I can't help but feel emotional. Huhuhu..

Seeing P. Inoue, there's this voice within me saying that, hey, we have one life to live. Lets make the best out of it, not for our own pleasure, but for God's pleasure. & who says that living for Christ is not an enjoyable or happy life. Look at Inoue! He is all smile & joy. He is enjoying his life & he no longer has that desire to kill himself.

& oh yes..God is great & He is a Big God. Nothing is too difficult for Him. I may not come from a big church, I may be not know everything in the Bible. But when we make ourselves available for Him, we can make a difference to our surroundings. God bless!

God's plan is the best

2010-09-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

I used to dream of being in a worship ministry like Hillsong when I was younger...many many moons ago. Of course, it never happened which was such a bummer. It got me discouraged for awhile but as time goes by..many many moons passed on..(I love this moons expression!) I believed that God's plan was not for me to be like Hillsong but instead to sing songs in my language. Hmm..my language? I'm Bidayuh, but I don't speak Bidayuh. I do speak Iban coz I follow the literal meaning of 'mother tongue'. & of course I speak BM which is our national language. If I am to write songs in my language that means that my songs are meant for my people..the Malaysians..& perhaps Indonesia..possible. Anyway, I prayed through the word which was released to me as I don't want it to come from the flesh. After much praying & waiting upon God, I finally did compose a BM song in year 2008...this happened only after 6-7 years after the release of the word. Imagine the time that it took for the word to come to fulfillment. & this year itself, I composed 3 more BM songs. Glory to God in the Highest! & the best thing is that while I write these songs, the words & melody came like a breeze.

God's plan may sound bizarre at times..I mean, me? Writing BM songs? But God after all is the God of wonders. Sometimes I tell God, I want this to happen, I want to have this, this is good for me. I mean if its good, why not? We think that we know everything..We think that what we want is the best. Guess what! We don't. We are infallible beings whose understandings are marred at times by selfish motives & worldly concept as to what may seem the best. Just because it is good does not mean its profitable & if its not God's will for us, it is not the best.

Although I was disappointed that things didn't turned out according to what I plan out for myself, I am well pleased with what God's doing with me now. He makes everything fall into place. As I write this, I'm hoping that the speaker who is conducting the song writing session for the Worship Conference in KL this 16th Sept would approve of my writings. I still need to learn & I need the speaker's guidance. & if he approves...& I pray that he would, then I'll proceed with the recording of my album.

Ok..enough about me, me, me...the point is: (1) Go for God's best for you; (2) When a word of God is released, take time to test the Word & seek for confirmation; (3) Position ourselves in prayer & preparation..like in my case, make the effort to listen to other BM songs, read BM bible, etc...cause faith without works is dead. (3) When the Word is confirmed, walk in obedience.

A call to the Christian singles out there!

2010-08-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

As I've always said, being single is a blessing. Unfortunately, the singles tend to get swayed to living a life of selfishness instead of selflessness. We tend to submit to the game of climbing the corporate ladder instead of going for God's High Commission. We tend to fall for the pull of leisure & pleasure with the money that we earned. Have we forgetten that the time & resources that we have are all God given? Is this how our God wants us, the singles, to live?

Singles, including myself, need to remember that we can make a difference. There are many things that we can offer to the younger generation. If you're a lady, you can be a sister to the young ones. Or the guys can be a brother to them. & yes, the young ones need big sisters & brothers to lead them & mentor them. Being single means we have the time. We have the resources. So let us use it for this very purpose. To impart value & character into their lives. To inspire them to be godly & to be a better person in life. Its not easy to deal with youths. I know...cause I was a youth once. All of us were youths once. So we need to remind ourselves, when the youths mess up, extend love & grace. Disciple them in love as that was what we hoped for back then. We need to remind ourselves that the youths are our future generation & that God loves them very much.

Being mentors mean that we need to be a good example. So we need to buck up in our attitudes & start polishing our characters. It is a tough task, I dare say, but if we love God, we need to change. & with God's help we can change. Personally, I find it rewarding to see a young one whom I mentored to grow up as a succesfull person. The joy of seeing this is worth more than any treasures that the world has to offer. The sense of accomplishment is indescribable!

So calling all singles out there. Let us answer the call to be mentors, to be spiritual big sister or big brother to the youths. Lets make a difference in order that we have a legacy for the next generation. Is it worth it? Yes, it is. & I believe with all my heart, that when we meet God in heaven, He would say, "Well done, my good & faithful servant."

God bless!

Love...God's mystery

2010-08-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

It started with a gesture,

Of 'do I know you somewhere?'

A de ja vu or figmentation of mind,

somehow its image is there.

Far, far away in time,

There seems to be a memory,

Of a past or hidden love,

Secretly hidden from one another.

When paths are crossed,

Through many forms,

It shall cause intensity of emotions,

Like electrical sparks that fly.

How could we have missed each other?

So closed but yet so far,

Perhaps each are hidden mysteriously,

Planned by the all knowing Father.

God hides for a moment,

& uncovers each other in His perfect time,

For God knows best,

As He is the Almighty Creator.

& it shall be one that remains forever.

Written by Jezzy Dior

If I...

2010-08-23T06:14:00.000-07:00

Mixed thoughts are lingering in my mind,

Thoughts of letting go,

Thoughts of holding on,

Wish I could know which path I would choose.

If I let go,

I fear of loosing,

That special something that I have had,

But yet I doubt,

whether there is a spceial something in the first place.

& if I let go,

Perhaps things can take a turn?

From the impossible to the possible,

A miracle explosion which I may see with time.

On the other hand..

If I hang on,

I'm afraid of inter-meddling,

With God's destiny for us,

& that would cost us our blessing.

If I hang on,

I fear that reality sinks in,

& I'll be disappointed with the superficiality,

& loose the possibility of ever finding true love.

& if I hang on,

Maybe things could work out,

A relationship may bloom,

Into something wonderful....who knows?

Arggh!! Too many voices,

But I've got only one choice,

To make soon before I wear myself down,

Cause there's so much that this girl can take!

At the end of the day,

This is what I pray,

That God would lead me,

To His path that is best,

For me & for the other,

Cause I know this for sure,

That this life is not about me,

Not about the other,

Not about material gain & eartly success,

But its about Him,

The God of eternal rest.

Written by Jezzy Dior

Looking for love...the sentiments of it all

2010-08-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Being single is a blessing. Especially if one has a career & pretty much independent in many ways. I for one, see singlehood as a blessing indeed. However, don't get me wrong, I do toy with the idea of settling down one day, God willing, & I do not discard marriage as a plan in my life altogether.

Maybe the reason why a single person may not be keen to enter into a serious relationship which leads to marriage is because they are afraid that the relationship does not pull through. & when this happens, both would end up being hurt. Well, I would like to stress 3 inevitable facts that we need to know when one wants to head towards this path line. No. 1, like it or not, the pursuit of love is risky & costly. Its eactly the same like entering into a business venture. Either you profit or you stand to loose. So we need to live with this fact. No.2: We need to keep an open mind & positive attitude. If we don't get a partner, at the very least, we gained a friend. Unless of course if the person is a person of bad character, then cut them off altogether. No. 3, there is no such thing as "THE ONE." There are the right type of people. So don't fall for that myth.

So how should a single person approach this journey of looking for the love of their life? Hahaha..Really, I don;t have all knowledge in this. But there are guidelines which I find out that it is easier said then done. I shall share based on my personal experience. I'm not an expert but I learn from my mistakes. Please don't judge me for my downfalls either. None of us are totally there yet when life is concerned. We must learn from our mistakes & never give up trying. Now for the guidelines..

Firstly, the clear guidelines are of course, to check whether the other share the same values, belief and standing as yours. Why? The differences of values, belief & standing is often the main contributor to a broken marriage & broken home. Before one takes the plunge to pursue a relationship which leads to marriage, think far ahead, especially on this point: Would we want to see our children be a victim of the marriage? Yes, think about the children.

I would like to expound more on the clear guidelines. Its a simple principle but by all means, its the hardest to follow. Why? Because of emotions. Though emotions are lovely , it can overpower our rationality...& often than not,many succumb to them. Yes, the pain!

In the journey, one also has to do their part as well. Don't expect the significant other to fall out of the sky! We need to go out there & make ourselves known. If you're a religious person, go look for your candidates at your place of worship. If it need be, place a little bit of trust on our parents, trusted friends to look for person whom they can introduce to us. I'm sure they being persons closed to us would know what we're looking for in a partner.

So what next? If you find a person that falls within the category of what you're looking for in a partner, get to know them as friends. This is so hard, especially if one finds that the other is irresistably good looking. I know. Been there, done that. You see, if one allows emotion to kick in, (of course you gotta have some emotions for the other), & when we allow ourselves to be driven by those emotions at a speedy rate, guess what happens? We either get crushed (like one suffering the after effect of taking too much sugar on an empty stomach) or we get blinded (whereby an obvious flaw goes unnoticed).

What is good about being friends first? Through friendship, we can find out more about their true character. Friends don't hide their flaws from others. Real friends are not afraid to point out the wrongs. & real friends listen to advice given to them. If, God willng, both good friends still has that attraction towards one another, great! That would be a good start for a relationship which, again, God willing, would turn to marriage.

All you singles out there! If you're thinking of pursuing marriage, do read this. I'm learning as well. All the best. Cheerio!

Year of acceleration & new things

2010-05-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Goodness!! Its been awhile since my last post. Really, 2010 has been a busy year for me. When I got back to work after the New Year's holiday, I had to attend to an urgent court application. Everything after that was rush, rush, rush & my ...how did I get to today??

Well, all the fleeting days aside...within the month of January till May, I saw myself doing things I've never thought that I would do. In March, I went to Singapore to watch Paramore's concert. It was my 1st huge international scene concert & it was worth my every ringgit, time & energy. Hayley Williams is the same on radio & in concert. Had a rockin' time. Not bad for an 'aunty' eh..

Oh yes...I won my 1st major case, considering that I had a full trial against a giant. I was so thrilled & I praise God for it. Am not taking the glory away from Him.

Then there was preaching for Sunday service. Didn't see this one coming. During my classes, I did a very bad job. Pity sister Pat & pastor for having to listen to my ill prepared what I call as 'sermon notes'. But on the actual day, I thank God that the congregation were listening & encouraged by the sermon. Phew! Will I do it again? Heaven yeah! If this is God's will for me & if the sharing of God's Word can bring about change in one's life, I'm all for it. I'm in this for the same reason anyway, i.e. I've been blessed by outstanding preachers like Naomi Dowdy, David Chan, Peter Derun & many more..oh yes, even my own pastor(don't want to miss him out)...& I want to be a blessing like them in this way as well.

This year was also a year of opportunity. My friend Maggie had an invite to share & lead the youths in a local community college. She brought me in to help her & we have been doing till now. Leading in the college had also made me do something that I thought I would never do, i.e. sharing in bahasa melayu sarawak. I mean...who have shared the Word in BM Sarawak before. yes me. Jezzy Dior.Hilarious right? Oh well..I'm proud of that language coz' its unique. Surprisingly, the kids liked it. It seeems that they identify with the language too. So why stop?

I know I'm excited. & I'm so dying to share the man things that is happening to me in Kuching. But slowlyla...too much info is not good for the brain. Too draining.

Wait for my next post then. Toodle loo & God bless!

Recap of 2009

2010-01-05T03:09:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to recall what happened to me in the year 2009. Let me see:

There were 2 deaths in my family. I lost a beloved uncle and a nephew who died a few days after he was born. Ironically, both of this dearly departed are of the same household(granpa & granchild).

I attended 3 weddings. 3 of my cousins got married. Sadly, the first wedding I attended, ended sometime 3/4months later. To think that this only happen in Hollywood.

I met an important political figure: The CM of Sarawak - yup, in the flesh!

I made new friends from Singapore, Indonesia & ...Sibu. Such a pleasure.

I went travelling with friends to Miri. Cool!

TCC finally moved out into a premise of its on.

I was made a partner this year. Woo-hoo..

I went travelling with my family members & relatives to KK. Splendid!

Went street carolling. Never was a fan of choir but what do you know, I like it & yes! I wanna do this again next year & I can't wait!!

Surprisingly, I decided to do an open house for Christmas Day. IT was all last minute but I went through it. There was not even a complaint in me (coz I usually complaint what with the cleaning & everything). Somehow, I enjoyed the celebration & there was no stress whatsoever.

I ate durian, after so many years. I was never a fan of durian, but so happen it was durian season in December & my friend says that their kampung's durian is one of the best durian ever. Since she says it is one of the best, I gave it a shot. And wallah! It was goods as she says. The fruit was big & the seed is small. The testure was smooth & the colour is yellowish. The best part is the fruit wasn't that smelly & the after effect of eating the durian(i.e. the burping, the gassess, the durian breath..) was almost non-existence. I'm not kidding here.

All in all, I started the year 2009 with a lot of challenges & I praise God that towards the end, I saw God's Hand of grace moving & blessing me.I thank God for His faithfulness. Thank God that I have lived in His abundance in year 2009 and that God that I have life to see 2010.

Goodness...its 26th September, 2009 already!!

2009-09-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I blog. Well..a lot of things happened within the month of July 09-Sept' 09. As been told, my church TCC has finally moved to its own premise. We are now in our new place. Currently, everything is acoustic. Hopefully, by Nov', we'll get our new drums. I can't wait to have full band again. As much as I value simple settings, I still do enjoy the complexities of jamming with the full band. Its hard work actually, but when the result is good, I can't help but feel satisfied.

Other than the relocation of TCC, I went for my 2nd dose of Cleansing Streams. This year, the retreat was held at Goshen. The place is beautiful..minus the big ants and mozzies of course. At the retreat, I had some insights on what God is doing in the lives of the people and the church as a whole. I was encouraged that though TCC is small in numbers and somewhat lacking in many ways, God looks at us as 'roaches'. Yes, roaches. They are small but they are able to reach every nook and crannies of a home. They may not be the sophisticated among other creatures, but nevertheless, they are influential and their presence are always felt.Such impact!

Then there's the trial that I just had early September. I was facing a goliath. Far seasoned in comparison to myself. Surprisingly, I fared well in the fight. Its not over yet. But I trust God to lead me. Justice and righteousness is in His Hands. He knows who is right and who is wrong. I let go and let God.

Next week, TCC will have an opening ceremony. we'll be inviting our community to the event. Right now, I'm scrambling my head on what songs to perform. Hmm...the songs that came to mind was We are Broken by Paramore, Fix You (Coldplay), Everything (Life house) ...I need to choose positive songs. I think I'll go for Paramore and Def Lepard's two steps behind..one slow & one livelier number. I'll share on what happen to our performance.

Till then, good nite & pleasant dreams!

To our promised land we go!

2009-07-25T03:00:00.000-07:00

This Sunday, TCC is having a gotong-royong at our new premise. At last, after 3-4 years of being a 'guest' at Good News Fellowship, finally we decided to move out early next month.

We have been greatly blessed by Good News. We are blessed by their hospitality and generosity. Throughout our stay, friendships have been developed..especially with their guard, whom we secretly call Awie and their musicians from BM service. Most of all, we will miss, I mean I will miss the comfort of having good instruments, PA system, the lift, the guard, the stage...among other things!

We can continue to remain at Good News. But we felt that it is time for us to move out. I believe God doesn't want us to remain in our comfort zone. It's not going to be easy for us. There are lots of things to carry out to the new premise. Moving would require monies to be spent. Not forgetting the monthly rent which would be more compared to what we're paying Good News right now. Monetary risk is inevitable. No matter what, it is time for us to learn to depend on God. Just like Moses and the Israelites going out of Egypt to the promise land, we need to learn to expect the 'clouds in the day' and the 'pillars of fire by night'. We need to seek the heavenly 'manna' again.

While writing this, I'm reminded of a song I wrote many years ago. The lyrics says: "I want to walk on the water, believing You'll hold me, I want to rise like the eagle, I'm gonna step, I'm gonna step in faith." TCC. Its time for us to walk on water! As we do so, let us fix our eyes on Jesus or risk, sinking.

Cleansing Stream Seminar

2009-07-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Beginning of month July, Trinity Community Centre started on the Cleansing Streams Seminar. Basically, its about inner healing and how to overcome bondages, bad habits/attitude/thinking in our lives. To know more go to www.cleansingstream.org. This week's session requires us to read the book of Psalm and John. So, during this season of cleaning up for me, I'll try to share my thoughts on what I gain from the seminar and from my own personal time alone with God.

I got one thought sometime around last week. Psalm 4:4-5 "Tremble and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and trust in the Lord." The words that really speak to me is 'Offer the sacrifices of righteousness..' All these while, I always thought that sacrifices speak of sacrificing time, money, effort and energy. But this verse tells me of a new type of sacrifice which is righteousness, meaning, to live right before God. Living rightly is definitely a tough one for me. Especially when faced with a situation whereby compromise(i.e more to sin) is concerned.Not only that. Things like gossip and slander which we would surely come across everyday would pose another challenge.Should we give in to the pressure or should we choose to sacrifice the gift of living rightly before God?

Another point is that sacrifice of righteousness is often required at the utmost difficult of circumstances. It requires us to face the risk of offending others, a falling out in relationship, even our career and business may be at stake. So great is this sacrifice that sadly I sometimes fall prey to it just to protect myself.

Well, what should we do when we know that if we stand for God and it would jeopardize our livelihood? The end of verse 5 says "..and trust in the Lord." That's just what we are to do. Lets be comforted that with God, all things are possible. Nothing is too big that He cannot handle.

The new comer

2009-07-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

Behold..let me introduce the new comer and addition to my musical instrument collection. My first keyboard. Sweet!! I know its just Medeli. But I'm a newbie keyboardist so I decided that a Medeli would be the best starter keyboard for me. Another reason for owning this new born baby of mine is because of the price. For RM1700, with 61keys and touch response, 350 voices and 150 styles...its a good buy. No, make it GREAT buy. Besides that, the dealer says that he can fix the parts and the parts are not costly. Now that's a super save wow factor.

I'm still awestruck with my new baby..my Medeli. I've yet to master it though. Nevermind...there are stil days ahead of me...God willing.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

I grew up to MJ's music. His song 'Ben' was the first song that I sang for family performances and for singing competition. This song spiraled me to grow vocally. It sort of thrust me to get serious in singing. This song also inspired me to play the piano and sing. I kinda know the pieces by hard.

The best MJ album for me is 'Thriller'. I remembered telling my parents to buy me the casette. I was just primary 1. Oh yes..don't forget his earlier years with Jackson 5. To me, the best Christmas album is from the Jackson 5. Check out MJ's solid vocals "I saw Mummy kissing santa clause.'

When MJ started to 'disfigure' himself, I became less and less disinterested. However,I can't deny the fact that MJ never fails to produce a good album...such as Black and White, Remember the time..and not only good album too. But also a good video.

His death really caught the world by surprise. Who would have known? Well, death is a master to none other than the Creator of course. Let MJ's death be a reminder to us that whether we are young, old, fit or sick, death lurks waiting to prowl. So let us remember our Lord Jesus lest it be too late.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson and condolence to the Jackson family in their recent bereavement. May all of you find comfort and peace in Jesus.

Nice!!

2009-06-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Watched Transformer 'Revenge of the fallen.' I love this movie. Its quite long though, about 2hours. But it has to be. The details are solid and this 2nd transformer movies featured new autobots and decepticons.

I love the plot so much that I'm going to buy the DVD. I want to watch this movie at home, on my comfortable couch ..with superb sound quality and my big flat screen TV.

Bliss!! A must see for you Transformer fans out there.

Transformers..revenge of the fallen

2009-06-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been going to the cinemas for years. I believe the last movie that I watched was Transformers. That was year 2007, I think. Now that there's going to be a 2nd Transformers movie, I'm definitely going to hit the cinema this Wednesday to watch the premier.

I'm excited! Transformer-Revenge of the fallen..here I come. Oh please don't let Optimus Prime die. For sure, I'll cry. Cause I remembered crying my eyeballs off when Optimus died..and it was the cartoon version. Whatever! Call me an emo..

Dilemma of a single woman in wedding ceremony

2009-06-15T02:58:00.000-07:00

For year 2009, I have attended 2 weddings. One in February and the recent one was in June. 2 of my dear cousins got married. Both are in their 30s. When I received their invites, I was excited. Especially cousin Gerald's wedding. Cause its going to be at KK. On the other hand, I squirm at the thought of seeing my relatives and them asking me when is my turn. And don't forget the bouquet tossing event. Pure torture for me. Oh the ordeal that goes with weddings for me!

Last weekend, I managed to upload my cousin Gerald's wedding photos on FB. While doing this, my cousin Alice chatted with me...all the way from Guam. She gave me a Gawai greeting. OK..this is the Gawai season. Then she asked me bout my family. OK...I'm sure the 'it' question is coming. True enough. The 'when is your turn to get married?' question popped out. Hmm...I'm sick of coming up with any explanation cause people would say that I have many excuses or I'm too picky. If I don't say anything, then the other might feel bad or offended for my silence. Most of the time, for the sake of not offending the other, I opted to paint myself as 'Miss 1001 excuses.' The things that I do sometimes due to me being nice. But recently, I just laugh it off when people ask. I guess...laughing it off is the best way for me to stop the marriage conversation.

Oh ya...since when being single is considered a curse/disability/failure? And I can say, that some people do have prejudices against the singles especially the ladies. I can take the name callings and the question on why you're not married. But there is one remark a fella said to me: 'What is a lady at your age not married? You are prone to being with a married man.' If I was not a Christian, I would punch him in the face. This remark is so far the worst ever for me. I wish I could have thought of a good answer for him that very moment. Drats! I've got a good one now. I would say, 'Being married did not stop them from committing adultery either.'

Despite the taunts, being single does have its perks. More monies to spend on ourselves(selfish eh?) No one to worry about. No in-laws to please...I mean, its hard enough for me to please my own parents. At times I do get lonely, but loneliness doesn't kill me. As long as it doesn't kill me, its fine. Oh yes..I can serve God without having to ask the significant other's permission first. Won't be held up by children,etc.

Well, I've decided to take my time and I've submitted to the possibility of being single forever. Only God knows what the future holds for me in this. He knows best!

Kota Kinabalu vacation

2009-06-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, all of the Dior family went for a vacation to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. It is the first for us siblings and we were so excited since we first started to plan for the trip. We flew there of course. The flight was for about 1hr 45 minutes. According to my cousin, it'll take about 10 hours drive from Kuching to KK.

1st day, we hit the city centre. We wanted so much to go to One Borneo, which is reported to be the biggest shopping mall in Borneo. Tried looking for it but we failed. All is not lost though. We went for a seafood dinner instead at a restaurant called Ocean Seafood. There, I get to see the oysters, lobsters, weird looking crustaceans... I don't know what to call them. We choose what we want to eat..yes, they were alive in their tanks...but sorry, if there is any feeling involve, all I thought was man they make me hungry!

2nd day, went to Kundasang. That's the farthest we can go with our tight schedule and all. Despite not being able to scale Mount Kinabalu during this visit, my disappointment was pacified by Kundasang. The journey there is breathtaking. Every time when we see the peak of Mt. Kinabalu, we get excited...especially when we get to see the water fall. Its so cool!! And yes, the weather is cool too even though the sun was up.

At Kundasang, there is a small market which sells vegetables, flowers and fruits. I love it when the wind blows. The feel of the chilled air reminds me that I'm out of Kuching...new territory, out of my comfort zone..for real. Awesome! The sad part, the vegetables can be overly expensive. I'm talking 4 stalks of asparagus for RM10. You must be kidding me! The place itself needs to be developed. Better public toilet, road,etc.

3rd day, us siblings went to Manokan Island. Note for tourist out there. Don't use the hotel's tour and travel services. It'll be quite costly. Just go to Jesselton wharf. Before buying the tickets, please check which transport company has the best deals. The boat ride is RM17 p/pax. You don't stop paying after that...Next, there's the tariff of RM6p/pax. OK...you must think the spending stops there right? Nope..there's an entrance fee to the island of RM3. I know, its not that substantial. But wait, want to go snorkelling? That would be RM10p/pax. You must rent the life jacket as well. It cost about RM5p/pax. Please rent these equipments from the boat operators. If you rent these things from the island resort operator, a deposit of RM100 would have to be paid. So do remember this crucial piece of advise.

While on the island..or anywhere else in KK, please respect the environment. Do not litter cause it saddens me to see plastic bags floating at the sea. The fishes could suffocate when trapped in them. Poor thing!

For those who are looking for a place to travel, do consider KK. Its a wonderful tourist destination. Believe me, I'm not done with KK. Definitely, I'll be going there again ..soonest!!

Gawai 2009 at Simanggang

2009-06-10T03:24:00.001-07:00

On the 1st June 2009, left for Simanggang. That's my mum's hometown. Didn't do much but for the occasional visiting. Eating and drinking is of course, the main activity in a typical Gawai open house. This year, I visited my cousin in-law's house, my uncle Stevy's house and...again, back to Uncle Stevy's house. Its just too comfortable there.

Me and my parents relaxing at Uncle Stevy's house at Bukit Temudok.

The yellow cake is called kek dangdut. Its nice but too sweet for my taste. Mind you, I have a sweet tooth. So this cake is really, really sweet.

My aunties trying to catch up with each other. Sometimes, they only meet up once in a year. This year its different due to my uncle's passing and my grandpa's illness. So they've been meeting up quite often towards the beginning of this year.

Gawai 2009 at Stass

2009-06-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

This year, Kampung Stass celebrates Gawai beginning on the 30th May. So, my family and I together with the rest of the Singgaw family decided to have our reunion dinner on the 31st May.

I've put picture of some of the local delicacies served during the reunion dinner. There's our lemang, i.e. sticky rice cooked in bamboo. See that lady? That's my aunty preparing the lemang. It's freaking hot in there.

Then there's the tilapia fishes. Smoked in perfection. Very yummy!

See the preserved uncooked fishes? In Malays, its called 'ikan kasam.' My late grandma is well known for her preserved fishes. I thank God that my uncle inherited her skills of preserving fishes. The fish 'kasam' is either eaten raw or deep fried. I like it raw. All you need to do is drizzle some lime, small chillies and cut onions on top. Delicious! And no..it doesn't stink at all. Unless if you fry it of course. When fried, the smell is potent to some. As for me, I am able to bear the smell. In fact, it makes me hungry and salivating. What to say? I'm a Dayak!

Oh ya..I won't forget the 'ulam.' It means eating boiled/uncooked veg with sambal belacan or shrimp paste. Simply hot, hot , hot. Its difficult for me to avoid chillies. My mouth says yes but my stomach can't take it. Ah well...I didn't care about the after effects. Just munch away! Like we always say..go head jak.

Green Chords-State Level 2009

2009-05-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

This is the reason why I drove all the way to Sibu. To lend support to my brother's school marching band, the Green Chords. Before this, I was never a fan. Err wait..before this I've never heard of marching band at all. Of course this all changed after my sibs joined Green Road Sec. School's marching band.

See the guy with the tuba. That's my younger bro, Calvin a.k.a Ju. When he first started, i.e. at the age of 13, he was selected to play the tuba. Mind you, he was the sole tuba player for 4 consecutive years. Imagine, he's controlling the bass side of the band...all by himself. Mind you, among all of us siblings, he was never musically trained. It was because of band that he begged my mum to enroll him for piano class..at the age of 14, which is quite late..just to master theory.He plays the tuba..and he has no musical theory background.

Apparently, most of his band mates don't have any music background either. Imagine, they were taught to play the instruments from scratch. Not only do they have to learn music, they must also learn formation. I just don't know how they do it. Play music and do formation at the same time...I just have to hand it to them..they're really something.

As for their schedules, these guys practices every Saturday, from 8p.m. to 5p.m. When the competition draws near, they would practice every day till night at 9:30p.m. Imagine the feeling when they failed to get anything for this year state level competition. I know I'd be crushed.

But Green Chords, don't you be discouraged. This is just the beginning. It takes time to get to the top. I see that you've changed throughout the years. And it was change for good. Your footings were spot on this year. The introduction of colour guards into the team was definitely a fresh air. And I love their moves. I mean...who ever would think of doing the pyramid? Really cool. Oh well..at least you guys were commended by the head judge from US. To be recognized by him as a contender in the competition is a good signal. Green chords ..you'll get far as long as you guys keep it up. Well although Ju is no longer in the team..I'll always keep an eye with your progress.

Green Chords..you go, go, go!

My Sibu Trip

2009-05-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, my family and I drove all the way to Sibu just to watch my brother's marching band performance. It took me 6 hours to get there, not including the stops that we had to make.

I'm quite amaze to find that Sibu has nice places and scenery. The waterfront overlooking the wide river. The padang merdeka..pretty clean with modern structural designs. I like the bridge too. Very long and the view from the top is breath taking.

As for the shopping, I am surprised that I found clothes that I really like. Thank God there were discounts of 50% due to the Gawai celebration. Oh ya..my sis bought a replica Vans shoes for RM39.90. In Kuching, the replica still cost around RM79+. Again...what a steal!

Of course I didn't only shop, I also eat, eat and eat some more. Sibu is a pork lover's food galore! My friend brought me to a family cafe at the outskirts of town, its just below the Tien's stockist..don't know the name..which is famous for its pork leg. Their style of preparing the leg is very different. Its deep fried so one must think that it may be too dry, burnt and tough. But no..the leg was moist and tender. The skin was not burnt but just cooked to perfection. And the price. just around RM30. Hah! Unbelievable..and word has it that this cafe is also famous for their crab dishes. Just RM15 per kilo. Another steal!

Another place which I recommend going for a cheap porky munch is the market at Market Street. I bought the roasted pig's head for RM15. Ridiculous right? I find the market quite ironic because on one end, the Chinese are selling their kom pia, their BBQ pork and at the other end, the Malays are selling their local kuihs, BBQ chickens and satay. Ironic..but don't get me wrong. I like this community. This is the way how Malaysians should live. Tolerance..

If ever I am ousted from Kuching, I think Sibu would be a place where I can live comfortably. For you Borneons out there, try driving to Sibu and have a look-see. I'm sure there's something that you'll like there. Viva la Sibu!

Tribute to my mama

2009-05-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today is mother's day. I wish all mothers out there a blessed mother's day and I call upon the sons and daughters to honour them on this special day.

My mum's name is Nancy Donald. She comes from an Iban-Chinese heritage. When me or my sis starts grumbling while doing our chores, my mum would tell me her childhood stories...and both of us would say, "Oh no, here goes the ancient story" or "Hmm...not the going to the bushes story again." Well, let me tell you her story. And it goes like this:

I started to cook when I was about 5 or 6 years old. In those days, we had to go to the jungle to collect jungle products for food and collect water from the river. Our stoves were not like what you have now. We had to chop the wood and start the fire. When I think back of those years, I was wondering how could my mother make a small child do such heavy labour. I really thank God for His protection because we could have stepped on poisonous snakes or eaten by a python(not that python eat people back then but it can).

When mum tells me these stories of hers while I grumble and sulk, I don't pay much hoot to it. Surprisingly, her stories does get me thinking at times. My thoughts were 'Does she gets bitter towards her mom? Does she resents her for such treatment?' So I asked my mum about it one day. How does she feel after all the hardship that she has gone through? I mean she stripped her of the joy of being a child. Her answer amazes me...

If my mum didn't do that to me, I wouldn't be who I am today (i.e. a hardworking mom, a bank officer, who cooks A-grade meals, who makes sure that her children never misses a birthday during their younger days,etc.) And neither do I resent my mum for what she has done to me. Cause if it were'nt for her, my mum would not be in existence. My mum really fought hard against her father's wishes when he said since the baby is a girl, just kill her. Its the custom of those days. If it were'nt for my mum, I would be married by the tender age of 14. And if it were'nt for my mum, I would not be an educated person because my mum stressed that even girls should have the equal opportunity to education.

Well, I'm grateful for both my mum and my Ama. I'm grateful for their life time experiences which I'm proudly ashamed to say, is truly a treasure worth more than rubies!

Do you have any stories that your mum/dad/grandparents tell you..albeit over and over again? Lets not be quick to despise it or discard it altogether. Try to sieve out the good and I'm sure you can learn something out of it.

Happy mother's day!

Making my days count for God

2009-05-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

Is it me or do I find that the days are passing by so quickly. Last Sunday, I remembered dreading going back to work on Monday. And now its Saturday night and tomorrow's Sunday. By the time I know it, May is over and we'll enter the month of June.

Oh dear, soon I'll be ..33 or 32? Even as I write this, I'm asking my sis how old am I? She's laughing. Well, what can I say? I stopped counting my age when I was 29. Mainly because it gives me the creeps. Undeniably. But don't get me wrong. I've come to grasp the reality that aging is the least of my problem. Its how I go through the aging process that matters. Should I be crabby everytime my birthday comes? Or should I celebrate it with joy and gladness?

As I write this I 'm reminding myself. Life is not about me. Its about God. Live my life as if that its my last day on earth. Make every second count for God. Do so and there will be contentment in my life. Well, pray for me my friends so that God would show me what to do as the time advances to 8th June, 2009.

Mid month anthem song

2009-04-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

Mid month. Its the month where we either make it or break it. Why? Cause this is the time of the month where our pockets tend to go dry or should I say, indefinitely would go empty. Its the time of the month where bills are becoming due. Thinking of it just raises my heart beat.

Just yesterday, as noon comes, the thought of whether I could go through this month becomes an anthem so strong. Too strong that my soul faints. So I took a breather from work. Read a portion of the Scripture while telling God, "Let me see the wonder of Your Words."

Without a doubt, I was encouraged after reading God's Word. I am reminded that we are worth more than sparrows. If God in His infinite Greatness is able to care for the birds and the flowers in the field, what more we His creation whom He has created after His very own image. Nothing happened immediately of course..But I rested in God's promises.

As I write this, I thank God that He has provided for me.An answered prayer really. Around evening the monies came in. Halleluyah! My bills were taken cared of. And the best part, God has blessed me with the extra. Now I can get that black skinny jeans and fuchsia blouse that I have been desiring for since Sunday. Yeah!!! Hehehe...Those who draw near to Him, He will grant them their hearts desire.

Hmm....What about the trip to KK Lord??

Return of the prodigal son...welcome back!!

2009-04-13T22:53:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I received a SMS from an old friend. It writes:

Hi, JZ. This is *XXX. ... I want to apologize for hurting you in the past. Can we meet at 3p.m. and it would mean a lot to me..

The SMS almost got me into tears. Cause this was an old friend who was very close and dear to me. We have experienced hard and good times together as friends. Actually, he's more like family to me. But somehow, when XXX went overseas, he changed for the worst. He strayed from God and church. Then the unfortunate fallout happened. Despite the hurt that he had caused me, it never crossed my mind that I should end the friendship. No matter how hard I tried to act normal when he happen to be around, in the sense of pretending that the incident never happened, he still distanced himself away from me. His cold attitude towards me just confirms that he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

I remembered telling God to restore XXX to the fellowship. Call upon this child of Yours to return. I don't care about what he did to me. I just cared that he return to the arms of our Good Father. That's why I almost cried while reading the SMS. God has answered my prayers. The prodigal son is returning. And he has made the decision to come to church and make his life right before God. Now this is one of the best news that I have received in weeks.

As I write this, my heart is singing, "Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You" (Hosanna by Paul Baloche).

I welcome you my long lost brother. I rejoice as the Father puts a ring and a wonderful robe on you.

Blessed Easter everyone!

2009-04-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

To all my friends and family, I wish all of you a blessed Easter. Easter marks the victory of our Lord Jesus Christ overcoming the power of death. It is a day whereby we are reminded that there is hope even in the midst of the dark.

I love Easter because the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available for those who believe. I am blessed with that dunamis power. With that power I can overcome all my fears, shame and struggles in my life. I'm so blessed that God has given me the gift to write songs of deliverance, i.e. to break the powers of darkness through prophetic songs of war. I am also blessed that God has given me the wisdom to encourage others in times of trouble and building their faith in Jesus. I am thankful for the power that Jesus has given to us through His Holy spirit.

Well, folks. My prayer is that all may be encouraged that there is hope in Jesus. Also that we ask our Lord Jesus for the power of resurrection to come upon our lives when we face adversaties so that we may overcome. Not only shall we overcome, but we shall prosper in whatever circumstances we are in.

My Good Friday

2009-04-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

I love Good Friday and Easter. To me, these 2 occasions are way better than Christmas. Last Friday's service was a blast! We had an invited guest, P. Kulbal Singh. The church was really blessed through his ministry. This man of God moves in the gift of healing and miracle. My friends, Sylvia and Eddy got healed on that day. Sylvia had problems with one of her tendon. Whereas Eddy suffered from stomach complications. Their healing really brought encouragement to my life. And I believe the rest were also fired up.

As much as I am excited, I am remembered that Good Friday is about Jesus' death on the cross. How He sacrificed His life for you and me. I am always reminded of my former senior pastor's Good Friday sermon. The question that he posed to the congregation was 'How many times did we put Jesus on the Cross?' What he was getting at was that everytime we compromise and fall into sin, again and again, it is like putting Jesus on the Cross again and again. It is like hammering the thick and longs nails into his hands and feet. Of course what he meant wasn't literal. Its more to hurting Jesus' heart or feelings.

During Good Friday, lets evaluate how we live our lives. Are we still putting our left leg on the world and right leg in the light? If this is so, then I'm sorry to say that if we're neither hot or cold, God would spit us out as per His Word in the book of revelation. My encouragement to all is this: God is so wonderful, so amazing that He gave His Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. What Jesus had done on the Cross, is an act of love. If we love Jesus, let us follow Him and carry our cross. Its never easy being a Christian. It wasn't easy for Jesus either. But you know what, I find that in all my life as a born again Christian, following Jesus is worth it.

For once, I'm glad to be called an aunty

2009-04-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

I always dread teens calling me aunty. But last night, I thank God for that title because somehow, it carries with it a degree of respect. Well, here's what happened...

I expected to have a fun night with my church youth members. After having dinner, we walked back to the car. On our way there, suddenly a guy came and shoved *Ichiro san. I thought this guy was his friend..I mean, perhaps he is fooling around or something. Turned out that he wasn't. He almost punched Ichiro, but thank God he didn't. Its not that Ichiro can't defend himself. He was hoping that the fella would make the first move so that he could tear him to bits. Er...Ichiro's almost 6 feet k and the offender is small built. After the shoving, the rascal walked towards *Fergie, and started to ramble on how he has left 3 government offers for her. And the funny thing was this guy wasn't even her boyfriend. He was just a friend to Fergie and a former school mate. Anyway...

So Kenneth butted in and threaten to call the police on the basis that the guy is acting violently. It didn't really scared him off though ..perhaps a little bit. Kenneth too was eager to throw a punch on the bully....Then I gathered my courage, and spoke in authority that I am a lawyer and what he is doing is wrong...hoping that he'll back off and flee. But that didn't work either cause he kept on making a scene.

Aiyo...how to end this la. I started praying in my heart asking for God's divine intervention. At last, I went to the guy and gently spoke to him in Iban. I don't really remember everything that I said but I know that I said that I'm 32 and you are still very young. You still have a long way to go in your life. This matter you're angry about, its just a small thing and you're making it into something big. Enough already. Its just a small thing. What did we do wrong to you? Etc.....And I have to bring Fergie back home cause her parents have given me the responsibility to do so. Etc, etc.

And at last, he said sorry to me, and said, what should I call you? Sister or aunty? I wanted to say sister (such denial) but I humbled myself(for tonight) and say that he should call me aunty. After that, he left.

What an ordeal!! I am still shaken by the incident. Well, who would have known that there is authority that comes with the aunty title. But actually, I believe that it was God who led me all the way.

Earth second, earth minute, earth hour

2009-03-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting since the beginning of March to celebrate Earth Hour which was scheduled on the 28th March. My 1st Earth Hour started at Expert food court at RH Plaza. As the clock reaches 8:30p.m., the shop switched off their main lights, while the stall operators light remained as business still have to go on. Four points hotel participated as well. Its so encouraging to know that small and large businessess alike have lend their support in making this auspicious event a success.

After finishing dinner, my friends and I left RH Plaza and went to Green Heights Mall to join the Earth Hour celebration there. The Mall organized a mini concert consisting of 3 local bands, one of it is none other than Evenstarr, a local band of which my friend Silas is the vocalist. The concert was so-so, mediocre I shall say. But having to choose between being in a pitched black house and the amatuerish concert, I'd rather be in the midst of the concert. All was not lost though. I took pleasure in observing the antics of some peculiar individuals who stood out from the crowd, (one of them reminds me of my German sister) and yes, it has been awhile that I havent' look at the beautiful sky and gaze at the shining stars. Ahh....I have forgotten, that sometimes, the things that satisfies us in life is simple and free..in this case.

Well, the one hour of darkness went by so quickly. Without realizing it, 9:30p.m. came. Ahh...back to the complexity. While standing in the crowd and seeing the lights up, I saw a girl at a corner, throwing a can of soda to the ground. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Earth Hour just finished seconds ago and yet this girl forget so easily what this event is all about.

Lets not make the principles behind Earth Hour a fad. Lets not just celebrate it on the 28th March. But let us have Earth second, Earth minute. I'm not asking that we totally deprive ourselves of electricity. But start taking care of our environment by keeping the earth clean, plant trees, recycle, etc. At the very least, throw your freaking rubbish into the garbage can. If we can't do this small task, then I'm fearful as to what will happen to our world's condition in future.

Dunia roh by Pastor Tony Daud

2009-03-24T04:18:00.001-07:00

My friend Janics is so into Pastor Tony Daud's books. She has been sharing to me about his testimony (he was a former 'dukun tahap tertinggi' btw) and how his books really gave her insight on the spiritual realm and the occult practices. I wasn't too interested until lately..

Here's the story as to why the sudden interest in picking up Pastor Tony's book. It started with a relative who believes that my Akong is demon possessed. Mind you, the poor man is suffering from Alzheimer disease (certified by the docs!)and she believes that there's an evil spirit disturbing him. Come on now. I've seen people who are demon possessed. Their limbs can bend in outrageous places(yup, Emily Rose) and they can out power 10 people. I didn't say anything when she shared her opinion to refer my Akong to her bomoh. Well, I really didn't want to offend her. But I know in my heart, I sense God's Spirit grieving.

Anyway, it was not until she persuaded an aunt and a cousin to seek her bomoh's consultation about a week ago that I had to speak up. So I did. I shared to my aunts on how God healed me. Jesus is able to heal. We must be faithful to Him and continue asking for it. I blatantly say that going to the bomoh is against our Christian believe and it is a sin. And most of all, when we indulge in this practices, it will curse us. I know this cause my dad's ancestors were 'tukang gawai' and they are priests. My grandpa refused to have anything to do with their practices because he know that once you keep 'the practices', you are enslaved to it for life. Offend them, you'll definitely get their wrath.

Hence, the sudden interest in reading Tony Daud's book called 'Dunia Roh'. Its so interesting. All this while, I always thought, where does the kung fu movies have this idea of flying from tree to tree, walking on water and oh yes..the 'kame kame ha' move, whereby streams of energy would flow out of the palm of Son Goku's hand and hit an opponent at a distance of 50km (ok..I'm a fan of Dragonball). Well, these are the arts of those who practice 'ilmu santet'...don't ask me how to translate. This man, Daud Tony, was unbeatable among those who practices witchcraft in Indonesia...until he met his match..a Christian pastor. Needless to say, he was beaten by the pastor. Its not that the pastor has any power or anything, but it is the power of God that defeated Tony. Since that day onwards, Tony's life turned around and he is now used mightily by God in sharing God's love to the people.

I think this book is worth reading. Especially in our country where some people who call themselves Christian still goes to the 'bomoh' for healing. If you're a Christian and you know what the Bible tells about these practices, its time that we tell our love ones the truth. Reading Tony's book can also add to strengthen our case on why we should not indulge in this abomination.

I'll miss you

2009-03-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

On the 10th March, 2009, I suffered a great loss. My uncle Michael Chia passed away after experiencing complication after his heart surgery. I was crushed. I didn't expect him to leave us. It was so sudden. I know that I must be strong..for my aunt and cousin.

I'll miss the dinner parties that he had thrown. He loves to entertain families and friends...

I'll miss his loud voice..although I noticed that he toned down a few years ago.

I'll never forget how he defended me and protected my name. I really appreciated it.

I'll miss his generosity.

I'll miss his detailed info ranging from cats, laksa, Jakarta..and many more.

I'll miss having to bum into him on the road or at the coffee shop near my office.

I will miss my Uncle Mike. I will cherish the memories that we had together. May you rest in peace.

Science and Maths in English...in favour or not?

2009-03-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, there was a protest against the usage of English in teaching Science and Maths. When I look at the pictures, the crowd looks rather rowdy and if I so happen to be around the area, I would definitely be afraid of my safety.

Now, is this protest by way of public demonstration necessary? Since a memo has been circulated and signed by the 'public', then just hand over the memo to the PM. After all, that's what a memo/petition is for.

As for the use of the English language, I don't see why we should make a great fuss about it. I believe our government is being practical. I also believe that by implementing the use of English they are concern with our future because they want us to achieve not only in home ground but overseas as well.

Once again, I see the people intimidated by things which t should not and ought not to be a big issue. Think about ISA law, freedom of speech and religion, race discrimination..these are the big issues which we should make a great deal about.

If only the people would open their eyes and see this view of mine. Lets say I found a cure for AIDs. But my research are all in Iban and I don't speak English. How can I share this good news to the whole world? That is why we need to learn English because it is an international language which connects people. For the sake of practicalilty people...

Oh ya..with pride I shall say that I can read, write and converse in English and BM. I speak my own local dialect too. So far, most of my Malay, Chinese, Indian and native friends do too. If we can do it (most of us are Sarawakians) then why can't the Peninsulars do too? And yes, I am proud of my national language. And I'm proud to be a Malaysian because 'Malaysia boleh.' Let's face every challenge hurled towards us with gusto!

Brand new heavy

2009-02-25T01:40:00.000-08:00

Hi friends and family. Just to inform that I am now officially a partner of Dior & Co. Many of you always assume that I am already a partner. Well, I have to follow the standard requirement. I can't just be a partner by virtue of my dad being the boss. Most of my colleagues obtained their partnership after 3-4 years of practice. I believe that experience matters. Hence, me complying to the 4 years of practise as well.

As for consideration, yes, I provided consideration for my partnership. No, I don't see that I have automatic right to this partnership and hence the shares should be FOC. I am a believer of paying the cost in order to gain.

Now that I'm a partner, the responsibility is of course greater. Am I thrilled? You bet I am. Am I going to be 'higher' in terms of ranks compared to my other peers. By all means, no. & people, don't make a big deal of this either. Because already some of them see me as having 'made it' in life...whatever that means. Remember, life is about impact. If we're rich, smart but we don't make a difference in other people's life, that's not making it in life.

Hmm..as I write this, I'm thinking whether I should buy me a luxurious car and start donning Donna Karan's suits? Neah...That I won't do either. I can't see myself as being that kind of person.

Its a heavy role friends. And its a new path for me. This is really heavy duty and yes, I do think at times: What have I gotten myself into? Do pray for me. That God would bring forth success in everything that I do. Amen!!

In memoriam...

2009-02-23T03:05:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this blog today, in memory of my......Esprit specs. I lost it last Thursday night. I suspect that it may have fallen off my shirt. The last place where I remembered my glass was in tact was at Hijau BDC. I only confirmed its lost the next morning.

Why so sentimental you may ask. Well, I used my first pay to purchase it...4-5 years ago. I've never changed it before although for many times I was tempted to. I see no reason to change despite some of the frame being rusty..Rustic look mah. I mean, I paid close to RM500 for it. Don't play-play OK.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me to change my glasses. I see...Like it or not, I have to buy me a new pair. So I got one last night. It was really different in terms of style. More colourful and trendy, I shall say. I bought a cheap one ...just in case I get bored with this one.

Sigh! I still wonder where did I loose the old pair. Kesiannya...

Now that's dedication!!

2009-02-21T06:25:00.000-08:00

Just got back from the youth cell group. This is the longest cell I've ever attended. Starts at 5p.m. But before that, accompanied Eddy to pick up his friend, Diana, all the way from 17th Mile. Come 5p.m, we started...officially. Finished at 6:45p.m. & after that went for dinner.

We went to Gado for dinner. Quite a nice and cosy hang out place. Had a big lamb burger which cost about RM5. Not bad I say...After finishing dinner, off we go to send Diana home. By the time we reach Siburan, it was about 9p.m.

I'm so amazed at Eddy's dedication to drive Diana, who is a new believer, all the way from 17th Mile for cell group. He's been telling me 'What have I gotten myself into?' Well, at the end of the day, its an investment in the enlargement of God's Kingdom. Great shall be his reward in heaven.

Seeing Eddy's commitment, it somehow remind me about my service unto God. Am I serving Him in my convenience? If it is so, then where is the sacrifice?

Oh ya..He's picking Diana again to church tomorrow. Wow...Such dedication. Kudos to him!!

Give grace to Elizabeth Wong

2009-02-18T05:09:00.000-08:00

Elizabeth Wong's nude pictures scandal has been a big hit recently. Some groups were sympathetic towards her, seeing it as a grievous unfortunate event. But some looked at her with scorn and demands her resignation...they remind me of the Pharisees in the Bible.

Why should Elizabeth resign because of something which is not wrong legally? Her privacy was invaded. She is a victim of one sicko out there..whoever he is, I hope the authority would get him and bring him to justice!

As for her morality, that is between her and God. For Christians, telling a white lie is equal to the sin of killing. Lusting for someone in the mind is equivalent to committing adultery. Sin is sin. So whoever has no sin whatsoever, let them be the 1st one to cast the stone at her. God in His infinite mercy, has poured out His abundant grace upon us. Likewise, lets be gracious towards Elizabeth.

Malaysian Christians, let us pray for Elizabeth Wong. That God would redeem and restore her. God is able to use our mistakes for His Glory.

Miley Cirus 'racist'?

2009-02-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

Margaret Cho, a comedian, called Miley Cyrus a disgrace in Foxnews.com. just because she posed in a stereotypical gesture. With due respect, I am a Malaysian living in the midst of people of many races, religion and culture. I have watched a school drama whereby a Chinese girl acted as an Indian and the Indian acted as a Chinese. Needless to say, it was hilarious. In order for the Indian to succesfully play her role as a Chinese, she squinted her eyes (Indians are blessed with big round eyes!) All this was done in good fun. No one in the hall was offended while watching.

Do I find Miley Cyrus racist by virtue of the gesture? Not at all. I noticed that there was an Asian in her midst when the picture was taken. And he did the same gesture as well. If she's a racist, she won't be friends with an Asian. Think about it. In fact, I respect her for accepting that Asian dude within her close circle of friends. A racist won't do that.

Oh ya...I heard that the persons who find her offensive is seeking USD4million as damages. Hah! I see the opportunists at work.

Give Miley a break please!! She's still young. She has a lot to learn. Let her live and learn.

Who would have thought?

2009-02-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

While writing this, I'm in an internet cafe in Sibu. Don't ask me which part of Sibu I am in right now. Cause I am clueless!!

So, why am I blogging at this point of time, you might think? I'm bored. I want to pass time...cause Angeli's only goin' to pick me up at 2:45p.m. from work. And most of all to complaint.

I am not one who likes to complain to the public at large. But today, I just had to. I flew all the way to Sibu & made it a point to stay over night cause I thought I was going to take half a day at least for my case. Turned out that my expectation was wrong..if I only knew!! I was duped, tricked by 'someone' . Sorry sir. You might be a 'big shot' but you don't get my respect. I am really concern with your character and integrity. I question your capability of being the peoples' rep. God will repay!!

Oh well. That's alright. At least I can spend time with my friend, Angeli. Its a good time to minister... as the Lord leads of course.

I'm sure you guys might think, who is that person whom I'm very upset with. Its ok. Don't need to know. Just pray for God to give us God-fearing leaders.

OK..Gotta go back to boredom!!

Friday the 13th rocks!

2009-02-14T18:21:00.000-08:00

Last Friday the 13th, I went for the Planetshakers concert held at E-Centre. I remembered asking a peer of mine about a few years ago, why he didn't he go for the concert. His reply..too old la. I will feel left out, etc. Ya rite. Blame it on age. As for me, I'll continue to rock on till I am physically and mentally able to. Yeah...rocking on for the Rock of Ages!!

OK, ok. About the concert. The hall was packed. Youths from all denominations come. Some knew what the concert is all about but some sees it as a partying concert. I mean it is a partying concert but we're celebrating Jesus.

About the Planetshakers, they're awesome as usual. For P. Henry Seeley to be there, it was just an honour! It was his first time in Kuching & by the looks of it, he likes the place and the people. They sang their new song, 'All For Love' and another new one that touches on taking us deeper into God's Presence. I love the latter. It has a nice tune to it.

I admit that age is keeping up with me. I don't jump around like crazy & scream much like before. But I have to be at this concert cause being in the midst of these Jesus freak youths just reminds me to continue on being excited for Him ...like those youths.

So for friends and love ones who are of my age, let us remember our Creator from the days of our youth. & let us continue to serve Him all the days of our lives.

Oh ya...I had a rocking Friday the 13th.

He's 90+, but he thinks he's in his 30s...

2009-02-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

My Akong is 92, or maybe 93 this year. Whatever it is, he's 90+. I grew up seeing him as fit and healthy man. He was in his 70s when we first went to the Bakun dam for a boatride. I remembered Akong with his hands folded to his chest, sitting firm like a rock in the boat, despite the choppy waves hitting against the boat.

I always pictured this in my mind. That should he pass on, it would be a quick & painless one. Nope..don't get me wrong. My Akong is still alive. He's not too fit as before, but he's not in any excruciating pain or anything. Its just that the doctor discovered that he has Alzheimer like towards the end of 2008. It was really a shocker for us. No wonder at times he tends to loose his way...or forget what he was doing. There was once, when he thought he was in his 30s, working as a foremen. Unfortunately, his condition worsened 2 weeks ago due to a fall. He started seeing things, delusional. Then he thought my Ama died..obviously she's not, & starting crying bitterly.

It really grieves me to see my Akong. I'm not used to seeing him this way. I guess, its something that I have to get use to. Some of my love ones want him to go for further meds, traditional treatments, etc. I'm Ok with medication. But I have to come to realization that Akong is old. He's lived his life longer than his peers. The body gets weak & death would necessarily ensue. As long as he is still here with us on earth, the best way is to prepare him, to assure him that God is waiting for him. & most of all, to take time just to be with him in his last days.

The plight of 'babo'ness

2009-02-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

Today has been a busy day for me. If that's not enough, mum had to 'balik kampung' as there was some emergency matters which she had to attend too. As she has to answer the call of duty, I had to juggle mum's job & work. In addition to that, my li' bro Calvin is busy with his band competition. His forgetfullness wasn't a help either..he forgot his uniform...then his belt....then his band ticket. Haiya..

I was rushing from morn till evening. When I finished work, I headed towards my car. As I reached the parking lots, I saw a car which was similar to my car. So I pressed my car remote, but there was no response whatsoever coming from my car. Eh...my battery is weak, is it? But cannot be cause I just changed the remote a few days ago. Then I suddenly wondered...why isn't there any blue light coming out from the dashboard..where my sensors are. Hmm....another weird thing (reality hasn't sinked in yet.)

I know....you might think that by those 2 signs, I should be able to figure out the truth of the matter. But no.... Still not figuring out why my 'car' door wouldn't open, then I looked at the green extra parking coupon on the windscreen. What came to my mind was...eh...I thought I parked my car here at 4:30p.m. I don't think 30 minutes had already passed. After the 3rd weird happening, then did I took a good look inside the car. Turned out that the 'car' wasn't even my car.

Cheh......so embarassinng!! Dahle my clerk's husband was around to see this humiliating occurrence. So 'babo'. Its been awhile that I experienced the plight of 'babo'ness. Well, this things happen..and when it does, its humiliating. But I laughed it off. That's just me..I crack myself up sometimes.

Sign seekers...but seriously?

2009-01-28T05:57:00.000-08:00

Publicity and advertisement on horoscope signs and feng shui tips has been upped recently... what with the economic downturn and all.

No offense..these adverts, instead of offering me hope makes me even madder. Seems like the readings tend to be bad. Or 'soi' ...should I say? And the solution offered by the 'so-called masters'? In order to counter the bad omen, buy a particular talisman/crystal of a (red/purple/green) dragon whatsoever. Hmm....what do I see? The 'masters' with their bling, blings. Oh, come on now! Its not that I heard/read them in purpose. So happened to stumble across them & paused to listen to these preposterous words.

Hallo? The question on 'to buy' or 'not to buy' (particularly an essential household item) already requires much thought & the 'masters' instead offer to sell expensive talismans/charms/crystal shaped dragons or whatever they call it? Sorry...I am disgusted!

I used to be a sign seeker. Not general predictions like the horoscopes. I was into pastors who move in the gift of prophecy. Man, I tell you, these pastors, unlike horoscopes reading are precise to the dot. Its not them knowing, but its what God reveals to them. After years of attending every conference conducted by a speaker/pastor with the prophetic gifting, I came to realize that by me seeking after these things, I'm no better than other people who consult mediums and spiritist.

I'm not against going to these people for prayers or anything. What I am concern is that we tend to 'idolize' the pastors or we treat them as a medium. Instead of asking God for ourselves, we take the short cut & look to the pastors for words from God. The Bible is clear. Jeremiah 33:3- This is what the Lord says "Call to me & I will answer you and tell you great and unsearcheable things you do not know."

So dear people...I may not know you, but I say this in love. Please save your monies. Spend it on food, for necessaries, tuition fees. Don't be easily swayed by these unfair 'predictions'. We are all victims of a fallen world. The law of cause & effect applies. Lets always hope for the best. Don't beat ourselves up too much. When we fall, pick ourselves up again...again....& countless times of again! And oh yeah...Call upon God. He wants to hear from us. He desires to speak to us.

And for those of you who think you're 'soi'...let me encourage you. You are not! God loves You & He has a plan to bless you, to give you success & a good future. Think about it.

New Year's 'Big Bash'

2009-01-25T05:31:00.000-08:00

You guys might be thinking that the big bash refers to the CNY festival. I wish!! So wish!! But no...since Friday, I got a bash in a meeting. Come Saturday, also got hit , left, front, centre...at the same meeting. Then at night, I expected to enjoy a nice dinner. But again...no...got hit as well.

Wah, wah , wah. What is this la? Dear God, I need grace. Let me just leave my bashers into Your Hands.

I'm hoping that this bash would do me good.

Lately..

2009-01-24T04:07:00.000-08:00

Lately....I started to take the initiative to learn cover songs...accoustic version of course. So far, still working on 'Decode' accoustic style. Still couldn't get the intro part & the ending...man, not only is it difficult to play in time, but its also difficult to sing and play as well. God I wish I can get it right. Need works la..

Also..I've been listening to encouraging rock songs. One of the song is from Fireflight "You gave me a promise." And another one is "So I Thought" from Flyleaf. I know...how can these loud tunes & screams be soothing to me? Well...its just me. I like 'em hard & I like em' real too..

So for those who love rock songs & has been feeling down lately, take a listen to this 2 songs. Instead of making you feel like going out on a death rampage, it'll give you the sense of hope.

Yen's wedding

2009-01-17T19:13:00.001-08:00

On the 16th January, 2009, I attended Yen's tea ceremony & her dinner reception at Sarawak Golf Club at KS.

Her tea ceremony was my first ever experience & it was so meaningful!! I love the exchange of words between the parties involved. Some of the advises given were really touchy..needless to say, 'muah' got all teary eyed.

Anyway...I had a good time at the dinner reception. I love the ambience. The wine was superb!(Where did u bought them, Yen?) & the music..goodness..when Bananarama came on, I had the urge to hit the dance floor. And er...yes, yes...that I did too. Hey, its my mates' party. I mean this is like once in 5 - 10 years since we had fun together as a group.

Well, to Hans & Yen, congratulations again! Thank you for giving me the pleasure to enjoy the auspicious event with you both.

So Cheerio & God bless!!

Meditation on Psalm 91 & 25

2009-01-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

With the 'tides' that I'm facing recently, I was led to meditate the following scripture:

(1)Psalm 91

I use some of the verses in Psalm 91 in prayer. I've blogged on what the Indonesian pastor shared during the combine watchnite service held recently. He shared that we are to change the way we pray.

With this, I decided to pray God's Word. Declaring especially that 'a thousand may fall at my side, 10thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me.' That 'they who dwell in the secret place of the Most High, shall rest in the shadows of the Almighty.

Yesterday, I just realized that I stepped on a centipede..I was at my wet kitchen. But to my surprise, the centipede was dead. Really, I don't know whether I killed it accidently or maybe it was already dead when I stepped on it. But whatever it is, my feet was OK. Looking at the dead centipede, I am reminded of v.13 'YOu will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample on the great lion and the serpent.' Wow...centipede is no cobra, but it does sting..won't die lah, but I wouldn't want to be stung by it for sure.

(2) Psalm 25

Just recently I faced a situation where I'm put in a place whereby I'm torned between 2 people whom I dearly love & respect. I didn't take sides cause I don't know the head & tail of the story. Whatever the problem was, I was caught beween them.

Anyway, somehow I was led to read this psalm. It really encourage me to just trust in the Lord. Ask God to show them the way & lead them accordingly.

Hey, Christians are not perfect. We make mistakes. We fall. But let us all be encouraged that we are in a journey to perfection. God is just to forgive those who repent. Remember this always! But of course, let us strife to live according to His principles..cause like it or know, integrity, character, adds greater weight to our testimony.

Latest songs I like ...as of Jan' 09.

2009-01-09T02:16:00.000-08:00

Just to share on the latest songs which I like:

(1) You Found Me - The Fray. I love this group because the piano has a significant part in every song.

(2) Love Remains the same - Gavin Rossdale. I've been a fan of Gavin since the early days of Bush. All these years I've been wondering when is Gavin going to come up with a new album? & at last, he did & I'm so thrilled that what he came up with was not a disappointment. Gavin's still got his mojo!

(3) Broken Strings - James Morrison featuring Nelly Furtado. I luv the lyrics! "The truth hurts and a lie's worst". I feel you man! I say Amen to him..

(4) Light On-David Cook. This song is so encouraging. A good song to listen to as the world gets hit by the bad economy crisis.

(5) Gotta be somebody - Nickelback. They have a knack in addressing the issue on apathy which is rampant in society these days. This is of course my opinion. Kudos to them! Yeah, yeah..its time that we start to be caring.

Sibu...here I come?

2009-01-07T04:03:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'll be having my 1st matter ever at Sibu Court. Gosh...I was primary 6 the last time I passed by the place. Really don't know what to expect.

Well, according to the newspapers, the main gangster don is there. Hmm..scary.

According to my close friends, they say Sibu has good food. Especially the oinkies...& yeah, the crab. Unfortunately, I won't be staying over long coz I'll be flying back by 4p.m.

Anyway...I'm looking forward to my trip there. I can't wait to catch up with Emi Edmund. Hopefully, I'll have a splendid time there.

Er...I guess...Sibu, here I come? Its still a question mark la.

Reminiscing the year 2008

2009-01-01T04:56:00.001-08:00

In the afternoon, I decided to read my 2008 journal. Need to go down memory lane & check whether I've progressed/I've learnt my lesson/what I have to beware of. So roughly this is what I've gathered:

(1) Always evaluate a situation whereby one thinks that he/she has achieved breakthrough from God.

(2) Get ready to get out of my comfort zone.

(3) Don't be idle. I had 2 warning signal against idleness.

(4) Don't be bitter. Love our neighbours as we love ourselves. Difficult one here.

(5) Learnt that I need to hope in God always. No matter how difficult it may be.

(6) To remind myself to learn how to 'ride the waves.'

(7) Wrote 3 songs this year. Which I find is in-line with the spiritual atmosphere at the time.

(8) Met new friends this year who are a blessing to me.

(9) Got my guitar pick up. It was a miraculous provision. & the pick up was perfect!

(10) Went for the inner healing seminar. I felt lighter! Alas...excess baggage was dumped to the depths of the sea. Note to self: Don't accumulate it again. If it occurs, Repent, Renounce & Break! Yeah..

(11) God really stretched me in 2008. Looking back, I don't regret it. God makes all things beautiful in His perfect time.

(12) Remember Rev. 2:4-5 "Yet I hold this against you. You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent & do the things you did at first." So no matter how 'churchy' I am..no matter how many things I did in His service. Don't let ministry be my God. Hey...this one can really catch me off guard.

(13) Protect our family. Even our extended family. No family is perfect. We're all flawed in many many ways. Nevertheless, they do have their strength. Always look at that. I have to constantly remind myself, that my family members are on a journey to perfection!

Entering year 2009

2008-12-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

For new year's eve, didn't have any special family dinner. That's cause I'll be playing the piano for tonight's combine watch night service & Chris & Joey would be serving as well.

I remembered how I celebrated my eves in the past. In the 90s, I would go to the Club..partying with 'friends.' Or have BBQ/extravagant dinner at my home. Or hang out at friends house..eating & drinking a little. Kind to think of it. Quite a waste.

Now that I know Jesus personally, I find celebrating the eve in His House rather encouraging. Spending time with God & His people, especially in this time of economic turmoil, just uplift my spirit. All of us are called to not fear & change how we pray, i.e. in His authority. As I enter year 2009, I can rest assure that God is for me. & He'll see me through this time.

Oh ya..Got double anointing today. I mean, 2 pastors anointed me. The Indonesian pastor did an extra. He blessed me with God's joy in abundance & anointing to serve. Blessed my household & my coming path. Blessings...I receive them with thanksgiving & faith.

So, Happy New Year friends & family. If you have served with me in AYS/TCC/wherever...remember our Creator in the days of our youth.

God bless!

Of challenges, schemes, devises & plots

2008-12-30T01:20:00.000-08:00

This past few weeks, as year 2008 is coming to an end, I have been facing a lot of challenges. Firstly, I looked forward for a peaceful Christmas holiday. Just when I thought things were going to be good, I heard a certain someone saying stuffs about me which I find over exaggerated & a blatant lie.I mean.. I have thought nothing but praise for this fellow. Instead what did I get? Stabbings at the back. Multiple stab wounds!!

Was so tempted to fight back. Dahle I had an appointment with the fellow. Felt so tempted to bail out on the dude. But neah...I'm going to rise above this! Strike my right cheek heh? I offer my left lah! As I write this, I reminded myself that God resist the pride but acknowledges the humble. So, I went out with my 'enemy'. Despite the unbecoming attack, I've shown my kindness & will continue to do so. & I'm proud to say that I felt good after that.

Secondly, I met a guy whom I just found to be so good looking. All this while, his face is hidden behind his rocker long hair. So I never noticed him before until he cuts his hair. Gorgeous I say! Sad thing though...he's not a Christian. Hmm..The bible is clear. Should not be unequally yoke with unbeliever. Suddenly, the 'date evangelism' theory becomes rather appealling to me. Who am I kidding? The Bible is clear.

I'm reminded of the scripture's warning against the devises, schemes & plots of the enemy. OK. Point taken. Gotta be watchful & careful as I enter into year 2009.

Time to start again...

2008-12-29T21:45:00.000-08:00

The month of December is really a month of eating big time. It all started with the 10 course dinner at MyRestaurant. Then, there's more eating..at aunt's anniversary at Lok Thian. Next, it was the Christmas Eve dinner with family at home..followed by supper with my extended family from TCC.

Like that's not enough, on Christmas Day I had my brunch at my aunt Jenny's open house. Then went off for Sri Aman after that. Upon my arrival, I eat again...at my Uncle Stevy's house. I mean..can't resist his pansoh babi. Which I kept on eating for dinner & lunch the next day. Huh... Oh yeah..29th December was my cousin Roy's wedding. & that means more eating of course.

So what made me start this path towards eating healthy? Well, I wanted to put on my dinner dress. Unfortunately, I couldn't zip it all the way. I ended up wearing something casual for my cousin's brother..yup, it hurts. Really does hurts cause I love my dinner dressess.

& there's also the inner voice that tells me to take care of my body. Its God's temple. & really..fasting has been a difficult practise for me recently. Good health would definitely help me serve God effectively.

OK..The time starts today. So friends & family, if I don't make any progress, rebuke me...in love k.

Christmas Eve is tonight

2008-12-23T01:37:00.000-08:00

As midnight strikes, its going to be Christmas Eve. I haven't bought any gift for my dad & big bro. God, help me! So tonight I have to rush to the mall..browse through what I think would be suitable for them...fingers cross, hopefully they'll like it.

This year, TCC is having their Christmas service at 'yours truly's house. That means I have a lot of preparation to do. Clean up the house. Get the cutleries ready. Set the long table at the porch area. Make the drinks & prepare my French Onion soup. Come to think of it...haven't bought my french loaves yet. So many things to do but I know, the clock is ticking.

Can someone find me Hiro Nakamura please? Need him to bend time asap! Aah, yes. I wish...

Christmas expectation...of love and grace..

2008-12-22T01:58:00.000-08:00

What do I expect of myself this Christmas? Well, I expect to endure it with much grace & love as I head to my Ama & Akong's home on Christmas day itself.

You see, my Akong had a mild stroke early this month. The stroke caused him to suffer a mild memory loss. Judging from what my relatives told me about my Akong's condition, seems that he has a difficulty in differentiating fact from fiction. Alarming I shall say.

But the funny thing about my Akong is that he remembers what my cousin Alvin & I do for a living. I mean, both of us only visit our granparents at most twice in a year. Alvin's overseas & I'm stuck in Kuching. So he said something like this to his visitors: I have a grandson who's an engineer working overseas. But too bad, he deosn't want to get married. I also have a grandaughter who's a lawyer. She too is still not married yet. Huh?? Of all the grandchildren (there's more than 21 of us ok)..me & Alvin gets to 'shine'. Err...compliments cum insult??

Don't get me wrong. Am not sore about it. Just sharing. So this trip, I foresee my Akong yapping me to get married. Hence, the grace & love expectation. Cause I don't want to burst into a bout of anger. I want to take the trip in good stride. & remind myself, pray for Akong that should he have to leave, he would enter God's rest in eternity.

Please pray for me. Thanks!!

Book spree & CD Spree!!

2008-12-20T18:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, went gift hunting at Doulos. Supposedly to be gift hunting, nangga2x, bought stuffs for myself. Hehehe.....

So at Doulos, I bought 3 books. 1 book is a gift for my coming X'mas party. 2 books for myself. All for RM24. Stinking cheap right? If I buy these books at the local bookstore, it'll cost me somewhere around RM25-RM35 per book. Yeah....dirt cheap.

When I thought I was done with my book spree, I came across one section of the ship where they have an offer. 4CDs + 1 doulos bag for RM20. Or 3 books + 1 Doulos bag for RM20. Wowsers! How can I resist!! Off I went & managed to grab 4 CDs. American made CDs are of good quality man.

One of the Cds that I picked was a Christian rock group called Decypher Down. I stumbled across this band while I was copying songs to my MP3 player from my bro's PC. I like what I heard & I always wonder how is their full album like. Needless to say it rocks & when I read throught the lyrics of 'Breathe Again', I was just like man... These dudes not only rock in terms of sound but their lyrics have depth to it. As to how rock it is, think about groups like Trapt & Breaking Benjamin.

So friends & family, if you happen to be here in Kuching, & you're a book freak like me, please drop by at the Doulos. One thing I can tell you, you won't be disappointed.

Happy book hunting!!
Jezzy

Song leading in BM

2008-12-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

Just to update you all. Last Friday, went song leading at the Doulos. Thank God everything went on smoothly. As the hall was so hollow, the sound was not good. But what can I say? Cannot expect everything to be perfect.

We had a great time with the team. The youths were awesome! Most of all they liked my song 'Bangkitlah'. Praise God. Now I know where God's heading me into. Please pray for me k. So that God would continue to lead me in writing songs in my own language.

AS for me speaking in BM during the song leading...it was really an experience! But somehow, after a few lines, I got the hang of it & manage to lead the crowd. Learnt a lot la that night.

New thing...What was I thinking?

2008-12-09T04:48:00.000-08:00

Received an invitation to song lead in a Youth BM service & Chinese service at Doulos. My BM is half past six. Chinese? I'm 1/4 Chinese but I don't speak the language.

So..to do or not do it? Somehow I do have the burden to go for it. After all, I write & compose BM praise songs. Why shouldn't I? This would be a platform for me to get my songs out there.

My intention is not just for the sake of putting my songs to public. Rather, I sense that God is using that song to impact the churches & to rally them for the new that He's going to do in the coming new year. I feel strongly for this.

Well, do lift me up in prayer. Its this friday, at 7:30p.m. Come join us as well.

Wish me all the best!

My Christmas tree

2008-12-03T03:57:00.000-08:00

Hello friends & family,

We've set up our tree. With the tree up, the Christmas feeling is oh so exciting. Underneath, you'll see gifts...from Khira & all of us.

I hope Khira like my gift & I hope that I'll like hers too. Reminder to self: Its the thoughts that counts!

God bless & glad tidings.

Five Loaves Cafe

2008-12-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

Just wanna share about a new fave food joint of mine. Its called Five Loaves Cafe. Its located along Jln. Keretapi. The same shop lot with my fave guitar shop, Lepo.

FLC is famous for its breakfast goodies. Which is available for grabs for lunch, for tea time or any time of the day for that matter. My fave is the monte cristo sandwich. Its like french toast with a twist lah..beef bacon with melted cheese..sprinkled with powdered cinnamon which gives the toast a tinge of mild sweetness & savoury taste. Simply mouth watering!

What I really really dig in FLC is the drinks. The cucumber lime juice is really refreshing...not forgetting healthy as well. Ridiculous right? And another must try is the banana smoothie with peanut butter. Ohh ...this is to 'die' for. I'm thinking about it even right now.

So friends ..please when you're in Kuching, drop by our Marian sister's cafe..not just for support but to indulge in real good breakfast everyday everytime goodies.

Christmas wishlist

2008-11-29T18:19:00.001-08:00

Christmas is around the corner. Excited..but not that excited also cause I have to go back to Sri Aman. No offence. I love my grand parents but I just wish I can spend Christmas at home with my family & Christian friends.

As for Christmas wishlist, its really extravagant!

(1)KORG digital piano = RM3K.

(2) Recording album money = RM5K.

(3) A black hand bag

(4) A new camera

Now you know why its a wish list. Its just wishes. But then again, I don't underestimate God's miraculous provision. He's done quite a good deal when it comes to the desires of my heart.

OK...OK. ITs not about the gifts. Lets focus it on the birth of JEsus Christ, the One who died for our sins & who rose again in power. He is the GIFT that I invite my fellow viewers to receive. Its free & its the best gift ever!

Merry Christmas everyone & joy to the world!

Dig the jam

2008-11-28T20:59:00.001-08:00

Never was a fan of jam before. Till I discovered this jam brand called Duchys Original.

Its my craze right now. I eat them with crackers...for breakfast, for tea. Duchy's quite expensive though. Its imported from England. & the ingredients used are wholly organic...Go figure. Its called McDuchy's because its a product which is attributable to the British Dutch..I think.

As for texture of this jam, its not heavy in gelatine, but its more fruity. Not too sugarly sweet, but the sweetness is natural as it comes from the fruits.

If anyone is interested to purchase this totally rad jam, head over to Green Heights Mall. Its a nice & cosy mall, situated at where as ? Green Heights.

So try it out k. You'll be jam fan after that...like me!

Rush of the new year

2008-11-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

I envy those who are still in sec school. They have year end holidays. No worries. Just relax & hanging around. But us working people, we have to rush our datelines, especially now that the end of the year is coming.

Why does this rush comes around at this time? Shouldn't we be gearing up for the coming Christmas season? Shouldn't we get excited & start thinking about what presents should we give...& what presents would we receive..can't wait la. But the rush hours..such a drag.

I want to rest. I want to enjoy. I want to eat, sleep & make merry..err...not revelries kind of thing k...for those who know me, you know what I mean..

Fine, I'll just reminisce those days. Camp at Siar Beach, endless TVs, videos, hanging around aimlessly at Parkson/SP/KP...bowling at Riverside...going to friend's house & having a go at being crazy...driving in the middle of the night..going to Damai, lepaking at Waterfront in its glorious days, eating supper at Open air market (Ah Mui you're the best!)...Its all just memories now. Sigh!!

Blessings!

2008-11-18T01:07:00.000-08:00

So blessed to receive news that my case is postponed to next year. More time to prepare!!

So blessed to receive 8 files today.

So blessed for God's word that He is Faithful to forgive those who repent.

So blessed for a church who sponsored the purchase of my built in amp. Awesome provision!

So blessed for good friends God have given me along the path of my journey.

Blessings, blessings and blessings!!

Jezzy thumb got boo boo

2008-11-15T20:10:00.001-08:00

Got into a freak accident whereby I slammed my right thumb at the car door. Don't ask me why this happened coz obviously its a freaky one.

What came to my mind while I was in pain? Will I be able to play the guitar this Sunday? It may be a thumb but hey, I use my right thumb to hold the pic ok. Without it I'll really be handicapped. So I prayed la asking God to give me 'total' healing or me being a realist, at the most speedy recovery.(Oh ye of little faith..)

Anyway, thank God I got better by Wednesday. Can strum yippee!!

So wanna see the boo boo? Not that bad lah.

Lundu...its all coming back to me..

2008-11-15T05:36:00.000-08:00

My family & I decided to make an impromptu trip to Lundu beach this afternoon. It's been quite some time that I haven't visited the beach there. There's no reason why I should stop going though. Now that there's a bridge. Not like last time where we had to queue up for the ferry & we had to rush home lest we miss the last ferry.

So we went to the beach. Ma, Gene, Khira & I. Dad went for golfing. Joey had some function. Chris was somewhere at Lundu...having GB camp. She jealous!

While playing around with the waves, I remembered the time when I was in primary school. How my bro Gene, my cuz, Bujang & my aunt Sophie would go swimming so far out from the shore & we'll go venture to the next beach. Crazy right? I remembered the sea condition was harsh but yet we were fearless. Come to think of it, really God was watching over us. When I saw the waves, I got scared. Didn't dare to go too far. Again, I thought. What were we thinking back then? There's a lesson that I learnt. I need to have a childlike faith in my relationship with God. Cause a child's thinking is simple. The kindy song is playing in my mind right now. "My God is so big. So strong & so mighty. There's nothing my God cannot do. "

After we finished, I decided to stop by Siar Beach. This place is really nostalgic. Went for CF camp for 4 years in a row at the same venue. Oh yes. My school's CF had been using Siar Beach as their official camp venue. FYI, signs & wonders happened at Siar Beach during one of the CF camp. Where purportedly God revealed Himself to the students & their teachers through writings & drawings in the sky. The event happened around early morning, bout 3 a.m. The lodging place where we lived was so run down. So sad. However, there's a nice small resort in front of it. With a cafe & swimming pool. Yes, swimming pool!! The place is nice too. I like the deco.

So we went back around 4p.m. As we passed by Lundu town, another thing that striked me was the roti bakar which we love & adore when we were young. I wonder whether that particular kopitiam is still around. Ahh..the taste of the melting kaya & butter in my mouth. Its coming back to me. And the smell of the charcoal roasted bread. Heavenly!!

Heroes...can't wait!!

2008-11-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

As you guys may already be aware of, the latest Heroes series will start tomorrow. I watched the premier last saturday. There were new characters, one of which is a girl who would be Hiro's match.

The story plot would mainly be on who would be good and who would be evil. Then there's the introduction of worst villains in comparison to Sylar...kept in Level 5.

My favourite character is of course Hiro Nakamura. He's so passionate with who he is. & how I wish that I have the power to bend time and space. I think everybody does.

One thing I know, this TV series keeps me looking forward for each and every episode. Not only that, I don't even mind watching it 2-3 times. That's how good it is!

Da Vinci Code unraveled

2008-11-03T21:22:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it! So freaking funny.

Found one of Chris' pic when she was about primary 5/6. Look hard at it. Doesn't she look familiar in the familiy portret?

Perhaps...I've unravelled the secret of the Da vinci Code? Hehe...

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

2008-10-31T07:24:00.001-07:00

This book is a must read. Its not just a mere self help book. It speaks truth.

For those who need to know what life is all about...grab this book & open up your heart to changes!

Weather, hormones & stuffs

2008-10-30T03:02:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling a little bit under the weather for the past 2 days. Maybe it is the weather? It was quite hot. Or maybe its my hormones?? Yah...blame it on that. Then again it could be 'cause my 'best friend' dropped by to visit me today.

I'm not one who likes to shift blame. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've got to put my attitude in check. So buck Jezzy!! Buck up! Be angry but do not sin. That's what the Ultimate Good Book says.

For those who got the wrath of Jezzy, I extend my sincere apology. Do I hear the "Too late to Apologize" song playing in the background. Har..har!

Spiritual overhaul

2008-10-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Prayer Meeting (PM). It was quite unusual tonight 'coz there were more than the usual number of people. Felt very encourage & I hope next week, more will come & join us to pray.

I have this deep sense that God is drawing His people to draw near unto Him. & that its a time for cleansing. I can't wait for the cleansing streams seminar. I need a spiritual overhaul...big time!

Skin care recommendation

2008-10-22T05:38:00.000-07:00

I used to suffer from dry, flaky & redness on my face. I've tried high end products that work and surprisingly, some doesn't. Skin care products from La' Peau of Switzerland is a definite recommendation for those who have my skin problems. But be prepared to spend RM800 -RM1,200 for the full range products. Yup! It will hurt your wallet for sure! I've tried a product from one of those reputable MLM company, which cost me RM800+. To think that expensive products are suppose to work. Unfortunately, it did not & it made me even more worst. Not only did my wallet burn to smithereens, but my face was burnt along with it!

Now that times are hard, I had to downgrade myself. I tried the really cheap products from Evergreen Soft. Nope...this product does not work at all. I've tried ZA. Now this one is not too bad. Its good for those who have oily & sensitive skin. Its not too scented & not too strong that it'll give you a tingy feeling on your skin. The cleanser, toner and moisturiser would cost around RM70+. Such a bargain for those who needs to skimp. And their moisturiser is superb. Its not heavy & it keeps our skin moist the whole day. Take my word for it. Cause my skin is hard to please when it comes to moisturiser.

I'm not using ZA products though. I've shifted to Clinelle. REason being CLinelle products include a cream cleanser, an essential for those who have skin dryness. After cleansing, our skin will experience a soothing feeling. One flaw about Clinelle is that the moisturiser is not as moisturising if compared with ZA. Nonetheless, it still works for my skin & I highly recommend Clinelle.

I wish that I have a before and after pic. But neah..

Perhaps one's view of an egg shell is too narrow.

2008-10-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

Received a call from a sales rep from First Choice Club regarding their club privileges & benefits. I could have snubbed them like most of my peers, but no, me being the nice me, has to submit to the code of courtesy.

When the sales rep posted the offer to me, I gave him a sweet decline. I thought he'll stop there but he started to ask personal questions like "Are you married?" "When did you started practicing" which I find as irrelevant in selling a club card. But no, again, me being the nice me, graciously answered each question in truth ('cause I know most people would cook up a story, but I can't). When asked why I wouldn't purchase the card, I just told him that what they're selling does not fit my lifestyle, 'cause I'm not an avid traveler & I don't dine in the hotel restaurants on a frequent basis.

Anyway...when he commented that I should 'get out of my shell', that is when the vocal part of me came out. No. 1, just because I don't travel much or dine in restaurants, that does not mean that I'm oblivious to what's going on in the world. No. 2, that does not mean that I'm not social and does not mingle around. I am blessed with friends, from different races, culture and religion, not superficial friends k, real friends who are like family, who rebukes and corrects when I'm wrong, who's there for me when I need them...Get my drift? No. 3, with RN400+ per year, I can use that to record 1 song in the studio...better still give to the charitable body of which I'm passionate about. No.4, so what if one is 'social' whatever that means...when one is not being an impact and does not contribute to the common good of society?

Needless to say, after my speech, he realized that I'm a focused person. You bet I am! By giving in to me, there's this inference that perhaps he's the one with the narrow mind and needs to get out of his 'egg shell'.

No offense to those who are members of the club. Its your lifestyle, I respect that. Just don't expect others to adopt such a lifestyle. And of course, don't ever judge those who don't subscribe to such a lifestyle.

I must have left my brain somewhere...

2008-10-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

I've been forgetful for the past 2 days. Yesterday, I forgot that I put my book on the roof of my car while loading my guitar into the car. Only realized that I did not put the book in the car when I reached home. I check the roof of my car...like as if the laws of physics won't be functioning that day. Thank God pastor saw a book lying on the road just before the flyover. & yes...he did thought it was strange & that the book looks like the workbook for our seminar. Oopsie..Anyway, I quickly drove to that spot & true enough, my book was there. Well, the book shall be cherished most among all books which I have read...of course because of my 'I don't know where I put my brain' moment & also there's a tyre print on one of the pages of the book. Hehe...

Oh yeah..was cooking my cat's food just now. I forgot to check the stove. I just remembered that the stove was on after 45minutes. I quickly went to the kitchen to check and I found smoke coming out of the wok. Oh boy..there goes Hannah's fish. Nevermind...she's having 'ikan bakar' for breakfast tomorrow. Wait till my mum finds out. I'm finished. Oh God...help me.

I was out the whole day...Fuyoh!

2008-10-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

Today is really a full day for me. At 10a.m., had to be at the Advocates Association AGM. There were a lot of drama going on, which is the first ever. I left the meeting at 1p.m. after knowing who is holding the post for President & Vice President. /Was too hungry to stick around. I congratulate the successful candidates. I hope to see the promises fulfilled in the coming year k. As for those who did not succeed, I just want to acknowledge them as well because of their willingness to make themselves available for the AA. Nevermind, there is always the next round.

At about 3p.m., went out with Mona. Thought that I was supposed to give my consultation to a prospective client, but turned out that she 'kidnapped' me so that I could help her buy 'kuih' for her mum's high tea birthday. What lah...Of course I enjoyed myself needless to say. But my mum bomb me because she expects me to be at home to send my sibs & cook dinner for them. Aiyo. Sorryla. Didn't know this contingency plan of Mona. Oh well..

Came back 'bout 6:30p.m. Had a quick bath & while rushing, I was thinking of what songs should I bring for tomorrow's service. Eeeppsss...Panic. God, I'm not prepared. But what can I do? Practise is at 7:30p.m. Haiyo..

Thank God for His infinite grace and mercy. I got my songs while on my way driving to church. Practise went on alright. I was tired that I didn't notice that a certain sister was angry. Really..I didn't quite know what she was mad about. But she spoke up after the practise. So now I know why. OK. But she cooled off after I explained things out to her & of course after I told her that I was totally oblivious to her feelings...I'm not being insensitive. I'm just tired.

After practise, went to Hui Sing at 9:30p.m. to eat dinner. Got home at 10:30p.m. Haha!! Despite the tiredness, can still chit chat with Mel & Jen.

Ok..I'm flat. My light bulbs running low. Gotta get sleep 'cause tomorrow is another busy day for me.

Good nite!

Advocates Association AGM 2008....Argh!!!

2008-10-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

I thought I was going to spend my Saturday at the office...doing research & preparing my submission. Have a quiet time alone..which I can't have 'cause there's a lot of people in my house. Sigh!

But no..My old friend called me up & asked me to attend the Advocates Association AGM tomorrow. After hearing what he has to say, I decided to go for the meeting. It was promised that if elected, there will be change. See, I like that word. Change. So that's why I'm forgoing my 'me time' for tomorrow's AGM which I hope would be fruitful in the long run.

This meeting better be good. The committee better keep their act together or else....there's no point for me to attend the next round. I even intend to stop my membership...yeah.

My 1st visit to Waterpark

2008-10-09T07:16:00.000-07:00

Went swimming at the Waterpark today with Barbie. Believe me or not, after all these years staying in Kuching, this is my first time visit to Waterpark. Haha!! KMC swimming pool was the 1st official place where I learnt how to swim. (Hmm... maybe it was the river at Stass?? Can't remember..)

Anyway, I'm quite impressed with the pool. Quite big & its a presentable place. I did 10 laps & I'm proud that I did it!! Need to keep up or else my unlovely bulges will continue to bulge even much more. Yes, discipline. I need that...especially when it comes to exercise & eating.

The moment I hit the water, I felt the calmness & soothing powers of the water. That's the best thing about swimming. Water works wonders I tell you. God, the Creator, is really awesome for creating this element. It is truly a blessing!!

Dayak mudah lupa?

2008-10-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

Was quite shock to hear a fellow Dayak passing comments on another Dayak saying that he/she is hopeless, etc, etc. Just because you got the offshore job, you think that you're so great?

Hello...remember where you came from la. I identify with Tun Mahathir when he said "Melayu mudah lupa." Except in my case, "Dayak mudah lupa". I was so glad when that fellow Dayak nailed the offshore job. My family & I were saddened when he lost his baby. We were so proud of him when he was out of job and decided to tap rubber. Honestly, we were b'cause there is nothing wrong with tapping rubber. After all, it pays off the bill.

I wonder why this Dayak 'brother' of mine is so 'mulut masin?' Working offshore is dangerous. Its subject to the elements which is under God's control. My advise to anyone who made it in life. Be humble & give back to society. Remember, God resist the proud but lifts up the humble.

Bangkitlah

2008-10-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

At last....I finished my latest song! Am so pleased ... But of course, it's God who led me all the way.

I got the tune to "Bangkitlah" in the middle of the night (5.10.2008). That night, I couldn't really sleep. I sensed that I should pray but I ignored my instincts. I remembered I receive a tune while sleeping. & in the midst of a deep sleep, a spirit of heaviness suddenly fell upon me like never before. It happened twice & it was overwhelming. Thank God for His divine intervention..I was liberated after that.

The next day, I woke up remembering the attack. I only realized that God gave me a tune around11+a.m. It turned out that the attack was a plot by the enemy to distract me, so that I don't remember the tune that God had given me. After lunch, I decided to work on the music arrangements & the lyrics. And at night, I finished writing it & "Bangkitlah" was materialized.

Usually my songs are in English. But I believe that God wants this song to be a BM song. I hope that "Bangkitlah" would be used by the churches in Malaysia, & that it will be an anointed song which would spur the people towards the coming revival. Yes, revival is coming to Borneo. Check out Dr. Chuck Pierce's website on this. I hope to post part of the lyrics of this song in future!

It is darkest before dawn

2008-10-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

I love that quote from the wise Butler of Batman (Dark Night), "It is darkest before the dawn." I identify with the quote because I am a believer that before there can be peace, there has to be a war. Before liberation comes, there must be a struggle.

Whatever struggles that we face in life, be it a bad habit that needs to be broken or work that requires much 'blood, sweat & tears' so to speak, let us find encouragement that enduring the labor pains would inevitably lead us to victory.

I wrote a song called "God Arise in me" when I was in the pit of my distress. Here are the lyrics & I hope it'll bring encouragement to your life:

When I feel the darkness rising against me,
When I see the storm that is coming towards me,
Though I feel afraid I know God will cover me,
His Promise is true, He'll carry me through my years

I give my life, I give my heart,
In You alone I will abide,
God arise, God arise in me,
I place my plans into Your Hands,
I know You'll pave the way for me,
God arise, God arise in me;

When I feel the sorrow that fills my heart,
When I feel my world has been greatly torn apart,
Though I feel the pain I know God would comfort me,
His Promise is true, He'll carry me through my tears,

My favourite things

2008-10-02T00:50:00.000-07:00

My Bible. This is my lamp, my compass, my weapon & my shield. Without it, I'd be lost.

My journal. Its where I pour out my heart's content. I also write my personal testimonies in there. Whatever revelation or dreams that I receive, I'll jot them down.

See the guitar? That's my accoustic guitar. My precious Seagull guitar. When I compose my songs, I must have my guitar, pen & paper in my hand. I love the sound coming out of it. It produces a warm sound.

Ahh...the keyboard. How I long to have one!! I want a KORG. I love the old version, i.e. the M3. Unfortunately, its no longer in production. Yala...M3 is like PC pentium 3. Like the computer, keyboards upgrade as well. This is my wish list.

I love music. Duh...Rock music in particular. Sadly, I've grown a little milder. 'Cause I can't take the screaming anymore. I mean...bands like 'I killed the prom queen'?? How to enjoy such music? However, their music arrangement is pretty ironic though..A heavy rock tunes and a bits of 'soft & soothing' here & there...Different, but I'll have to pass on that. & btw, what sort of name is that?

On my first day of Raya...

2008-10-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

Just got back from Raya visiting. Didn't expect to go visiting at all for the 1st day. But Chris got an invite at about 8:55a.m.

So I'm, not stuck at home after all! I'm glad that we had an invite and we went out visiting. If not, I'll really feel that something is amiss today.

Selamat Hari Raya to everyone!

Festive mode

2008-09-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

As much as I'm excited for my Muslim friends who will be celebrating the Raya this coming Wednesday, I just don't like the 'before' effect of the festive season. Be it Raya, Christmas or CNY for that matter.

For me, when a festival is just around the corner, I automatically get into the festive mode. Festive mode is where my mind starts to shut off from work. I may be physically at work, but work is far from my mind. I begin to get sluggish & the temptation to put aside my datelines is so strong.

Am I going to share to you all about overcoming this 'festive mode'. Share I will. But not on overcoming but on succumbing. Ah well...there's tomorrow, which is the last day. Hopefully, I'll do better.

Wait till the Raya holidays end. Then there will be the after effects of the holidays. That will be another episode altogether.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all my Muslim friends. God bless & enjoy this season with your family and love ones.

Blogshy

2008-09-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone in the blog community,

Well, this is so awkward... Blogging seems to be the 'in-thing' these days. I've been thinking about joining the blogging trend(not that I'm a person who just want to delve into the 'in-thing')but I've been hindered due to thoughts like what am I going to write about & what if I get into trouble with the government(ya right..far fetched am I?).

I guess I'm just blogshy, if there's such a word. If it weren't for Daron, my pastor, friend & brother(pastor, these words are mushy & you know how hardcore I am in expressing my feelings..haha!) I won't be doing this. He's the one who encouraged me to blog. & lo & behold, I'm doing this!

So viewers, I hope my blog would be entertaining & inspiring. Hopefully, I can get some good out of this.